moocowinthecity

An Update as I Bogart Candie’s Desktop

moocowinthecity Jan 13, 2007 0 Comments

So my Laptop will be back Wednesday, currently I’ve bogarted Candie’s (covarla) computer until she kicks me off, so I figured I’d do an update.

So, the past few days back have been wonderful; it’s been so good to see all of my friends (Alice, Jacqueline, Brigitte, The Syphrits, Teresa and everyone else I’ve gotten to hang out with these past few days) and just reconnect with everyone.

Today was spent hanging out with friends, catching up, and figuring out plans for the next couple of months. I managed to finish balancing the load on my X-Vest training vest so I now have the 84lb wonder loaded properly and I have to say, working out with it is fun, because after a two hour routine when you take it off, you just feel so much lighter, it’s very euphoric.

I emailed my broker and put in a sell order for $2,100.00; leaving 825.00 in the investment account. The tickets are $1,400.00 which leaves me with an extra $700.00 in my HSBC account (which will just sit there). So since Tomorrow is Sunday, and Monday is a Holiday the sell order will probably to go The Floor Wednesday, I’m assuming it won’t be in my account until at least three days after that, at which point I can book my tickets on El Al.

I’ve been using the Atlas that Alice (maleficentseyes) got me (I have no directional sense, I just have to walk something and remember the path and the landmarks to get anywhere) to plan my trip. There’s a lot of places I want to go, I want to spend at least three days at Yad Vashem, then one day after to just process the whole thing. I want to go to Nazareth and the Sea of Galilee because while they’re not important to my faith, they are important to a lot of my friends faith and I think it’d be worth it to see. I also really want to see the Salt Caves and Masada and spend a four or so days getting lost in Jerusalem. A few days to a week in Tel-Aviv (relaxing, partying, and checking out academic programs and getting contact information). I also want to go to Eilat for a bit and I want to go see where Shirah (stoicdaydreamer) is living now that she’s left UB and living in Israel, meet nir1) and of course say hi to Tova (who Shulamit will probably have spying on me, given that her biggest fear of me going to Tel Aviv is “He’ll see all of the hot men, have a wonderful time, be happy, and never come home again…this is awful” – God bless her).

This Coming Semester

There’s a lot that needs to be done, non-class wise; I need to not only create a resume but my CV as well, and while I have rough outlines of both I really need to edit them and update them; I’ve had a decent amount of teaching and ta-ing experience, but I need to quantify it and what I learned from it (‘managed class time well’, ‘learned how to not beat students’). I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to TA one last time in the Fall before I leave UB. I have to prepare what I’m going to talk about at YaoiNorth this summer as well and I really need to ‘professionalize’ my blog. I also have to meet with Dr. Jaeger so I can write the abstract for my paper and hopefully present it at Cornell later this year.

I have three exams that I need to sit for and a ton of paperwork that I need to put into better order, photocopy, and binderize so I have it right at hand (licenses, certifications, medical documents, vaccination sheets, etc.) and everything else that goes along with coming out of undergrad and entering the real world all while living out of a backpack. I’m also finishing up the recertification process for my CPhT and I’m half way through the CE hours that I need before March 31, 2008, however I’d really like to just bang out the rest so I don’t have to worry about it. I also have to finish registering for the bartender certification course…but it’ll all get done…because it hast to.

Course wise, I’m excited to start everything and get back into gear. I’m working towards getting all A’s this semester and I think it’s certainly feasible; I just have to stay on top of everything…and before I know it, grades will be in, I’ll be standing in front of 450 people in Toronto educating them on Gay Sex and then I’ll be on an Air Plane and landing in Tel Aviv.

Okay, time to vanish, I’ll be back when my laptop’s here, or when I’m on Campus Tuesday after all my classes.

Peace Homeslices.

– M

An Update as I Bogart Candie’s Desktop

moocowinthecity Jan 13, 2007 0 Comments

So my Laptop will be back Wednesday, currently I’ve bogarted Candie’s (

covarla) computer until she kicks me off, so I figured I’d do an update.

So, the past few days back have been wonderful; it’s been so good to see all of my friends (Alice, Jacqueline, Brigitte, The Syphrits, Teresa and everyone else I’ve gotten to hang out with these past few days) and just reconnect with everyone.

Today was spent hanging out with friends, catching up, and figuring out plans for the next couple of months. I managed to finish balancing the load on my X-Vest training vest so I now have the 84lb wonder loaded properly and I have to say, working out with it is fun, because after a two hour routine when you take it off, you just feel so much lighter, it’s very euphoric.

I emailed my broker and put in a sell order for $2,100.00; leaving 825.00 in the investment account. The tickets are $1,400.00 which leaves me with an extra $700.00 in my HSBC account (which will just sit there). So since Tomorrow is Sunday, and Monday is a Holiday the sell order will probably to go The Floor Wednesday, I’m assuming it won’t be in my account until at least three days after that, at which point I can book my tickets on El Al.

I’ve been using the Atlas that Alice (

maleficentseyes) got me (I have no directional sense, I just have to walk something and remember the path and the landmarks to get anywhere) to plan my trip. There’s a lot of places I want to go, I want to spend at least three days at Yad Vashem, then one day after to just process the whole thing. I want to go to Nazareth and the Sea of Galilee because while they’re not important to my faith, they are important to a lot of my friends faith and I think it’d be worth it to see. I also really want to see the Salt Caves and Masada and spend a four or so days getting lost in Jerusalem. A few days to a week in Tel-Aviv (relaxing, partying, and checking out academic programs and getting contact information). I also want to go to Eilat for a bit and I want to go see where Shirah ( stoicdaydreamer) is living now that she’s left UB and living in Israel, meet nir1) and of course say hi to Tova (who Shulamit will probably have spying on me, given that her biggest fear of me going to Tel Aviv is “He’ll see all of the hot men, have a wonderful time, be happy, and never come home again…this is awful” – God bless her).

This Coming Semester

There’s a lot that needs to be done, non-class wise; I need to not only create a resume but my CV as well, and while I have rough outlines of both I really need to edit them and update them; I’ve had a decent amount of teaching and ta-ing experience, but I need to quantify it and what I learned from it (‘managed class time well’, ‘learned how to not beat students’). I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to TA one last time in the Fall before I leave UB. I have to prepare what I’m going to talk about at YaoiNorth this summer as well and I really need to ‘professionalize’ my blog. I also have to meet with Dr. Jaeger so I can write the abstract for my paper and hopefully present it at Cornell later this year.

I have three exams that I need to sit for and a ton of paperwork that I need to put into better order, photocopy, and binderize so I have it right at hand (licenses, certifications, medical documents, vaccination sheets, etc.) and everything else that goes along with coming out of undergrad and entering the real world all while living out of a backpack. I’m also finishing up the recertification process for my CPhT and I’m half way through the CE hours that I need before March 31, 2008, however I’d really like to just bang out the rest so I don’t have to worry about it. I also have to finish registering for the bartender certification course…but it’ll all get done…because it hast to.

Course wise, I’m excited to start everything and get back into gear. I’m working towards getting all A’s this semester and I think it’s certainly feasible; I just have to stay on top of everything…and before I know it, grades will be in, I’ll be standing in front of 450 people in Toronto educating them on Gay Sex and then I’ll be on an Air Plane and landing in Tel Aviv.

Okay, time to vanish, I’ll be back when my laptop’s here, or when I’m on Campus Tuesday after all my classes.

Peace Homeslices.

– M

Leaving for Buffalo…Today!!

moocowinthecity Jan 11, 2007 0 Comments

Okay,

Sarah and I couldn’t leave for Buffalo last night, so we’re leaving this morning, I should be in by 3pm at the latest.

Peace out all!

Leaving for Buffalo…Today!!

moocowinthecity Jan 11, 2007 0 Comments

Okay,

Sarah and I couldn’t leave for Buffalo last night, so we’re leaving this morning, I should be in by 3pm at the latest.

Peace out all!

Israel for June & July of this Year (Confirmed!)!!/Mac is in for Repair/Heading back to Buffalo

moocowinthecity Jan 10, 2007 0 Comments

Israel for June & July of this Year (Confirmed!)!!/Mac is in for Repair/Heading back to Buffalo

moocowinthecity Jan 10, 2007 0 Comments

Matan’s Israel Trip June-July 2007!

“If you can’t go over, you must go under.” – Jewish Proverb

So tonight driving to Dinner, Mom and I were discussing “what’s next” and I have the plan firmly set for what I want to do, where I want to do it, how I’m going to do it, and what I demand out of life and what I’m going to get out of it.

And while getting to the point I want to be at scares the shit out of me (because it’s the unknown, the unplanned, the unexpected) I’ve never backed down from a challenge (I have the scars to prove it) and this time is no different. This shouldn’t be seen, however, as any doubt in myself. I have complete faith in myself, and I know for an absolute fact, that I’m going to make it…the journey is just exciting, and scary, and a tough road…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Frederick Douglas had a powerful saying:

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”

So as we were talking, my Mother referenced my investment account, which has a nice portion of cash in it; but which I haven’t wanted to touch because the money was not put there by me and so even though the account was in my name, I didn’t feel comfortable touching it, having not been the one to fund it.

She said that her and my father discussed it; and that even though they put the money in their originally to pay for my college education, which was since paid for by another account, that even though it was transferred to my name (in NYS, all accounts that are held for minors revert to them when they turn 21) and the cash is theirs and not mine, and even though it was originally intended to pay for my school, that I could use it to send myself to Israel.

I’m doing so.

I’m calling my broker tomorrow and having him wipe the account and wire me the money, and then I’m booking myself a round trip ticket to Tel Aviv and I’m flying out the first week in June and coming back the last week in July, and I’m doing my first Israel experience my way; not on tour busses, not with a tour guide (though I’m sure a native or oleh or two would be more than happy to show me some of the sites for a couple of days over the two month period).

I’m handling things the way that I want to, and on my terms (which is important to me). I know that I could go for free, I’d really rather travel alone and meet new people when I feel like being social, and be by myself when I’m feeling spiritual, when I want to pray, and if I’m moved, cry freely; and I really want to dance. If I see a site and it bores me, I can just move on, if I see a site and it enthrals me, I can stay for days.

So then we got to the Diner, and my Father (who’s currently in the proverbial dog house – another story, for another time – it’s a doozy) asked me “so what’s next?” and I asked him to qualify what he meant by that (since that could mean so many things with him), and he said “hmm, okay, tell me what’s happening for one year, give me the layout” and I said:

“Well let’s see, I finish this semester – coming home once a month for more shots because I’m getting vaccinated against Hepatitis A, B & E – then I’m lecturing in Toronto again for three-ish days. Then in June I’m flying to Israel where I’ll be for two months, staying in Hostels, Couch Surfing and maybe on a Donkey Farm, getting lost so I can learn the streets by foot, taking pictures, hanging out in Cafe’s, dancing in clubs, going to the sites, connecting with my people’s history, praying and crying at the wailing wall, going to office’s of programs of study that I want to participate in and getting brochoures and leaving my card, meeting with Nefesh B’Nefesh in Israel just to “say hi”, writing poetry, smoking Hookah and playing Shesh Besh like a pro (thank you Eli, for teaching me). Then I come back and will have two weeks off before classes, then in the Fall Semester I take my final four classes, I head down to Washington to sit for a professional exam, then I sit for two licensing exams in the state of New York, then in December I Graduate with a B.A., CPhT, CIPP, P.I., after my name. I’m not walking through graduation since they don’t have one in December and I don’t want to sit through graduation ceremonies myself, why on earth would I make anyone else do that on my behalf. However, we’re going to have a dinner with the grandparents and friends as a sort of graduation/going away dinner, then I put on a backpack – and I get on a plane, and I land in Tel Aviv and I begin an adventure. Then, after I finish learning the two languages to completion – however long that takes, I sit for the ATA Exams, then I enter a masters program, complete that, then I enter the masters program to get my MBA, then I get my Ph.D. because that’s important to me.”

It was a non-confrontationl, totally factual, totally calm explanation of what was going to happen; and then the unexpected happened…my Father said he’d like to fly out with Mom sometime while I’m in Israel this summer and visit me and show me the Kibbutz he used to live on, see some of the sites with me, and maybe hop a plane to Egypt or Greece; and I told him he was more than welcome to join me – but I’m booking my trip on my own. If he wants to book a trip and let me know when he and mom are going to be there I’ll meet up with them; I don’t do five star hotels, I don’t even do motels, why spend money on a nice place to sleep if you aren’t going to be sleeping all that much, and that kind of fru-fru trip isn’t the kind I want.

So now he sort of understands reality and I also explained to him what I’ll be studying in Israel, where I want to do my graduate work, when I’ll be doing my graduate work, what graduate degrees I want, and just why it’s so important for me to go to Israel and become fluent in two more languages before I even think about graduate school; and I think he really understands. The basic order of things is: Fluency in Israel (Arabic and Hebrew, Arabic in an Intensive Study and Hebrew in an Ulpan), ATA Arabic Exam in the U.S. (you have to sit for it there) (Credentials), IPA Transcription Exam in London, Masters in Translation Studies (a few university options), MBA (Baruch College in NYC), Ph.D. (in Linguistics, a few options).

Reasonably, I can finish all of this by the time I’m 30 (while of course working in between). I’m okay with that…you can chase men and you can win or you can loose, or you can chase academic dreams and the only option is to soar. It’s going to take me across a few continents, in quite a few countries, with very few comforts of home…but the benefits after all of the work, the sweat, the blood, the tears…will be worth every investment of money and time. And the stories that I want to hear, the local flavor that I want to record, all no doubt will write themselves into one awesome adventure.

The picture, while not totally in focus, is no longer nearly as fuzzy as it once was.

And I’m taking that first step.

New Shuffle!!

My Mom Got me a new shiny, aluminum iPod Shuffle!! So Happy!! Music Again, without being called old school for carrying a CD Player! It’s so tiny! And so powerful…awesome sound, and no screen to suck battery power (I hate the screens, I know what order I put my songs in…the same way I do on my CD player which didn’t have a screen, I’d rather have more hours of listening time).

The Mac is in for Repair

I love Apple. My Mac got a little crack on the top part next to where the touch pad is, and I had the service plan “No problem, no charge…give us three days for an in-store repair” so I’ll be without the computer for a few days, but Mom will overnight it to me when it comes in and of course they’ll do the cleaning on the exterior and stuff, not that it’s all that dirty, but it’s had hard use this semester and can use a good wipe down. I picked up a USB charger for the aformentioned shuffle while I was there, since it charges via USB port and I didn’t want to be out of music for a few days.

Also a plus is – and I wasn’t aware of this previously – that apple sells an “international kit” so all you have to do is pull off one part of the charger, snap in a different end, and you can use your laptop safely in all major countries! How cool is that! This means that I will be blogging from Israel, providing I can find some wifi hotspots…I’m going to pick up the wifi finder keychain that lets you know when a wifi spot is near as well when I purchase the transformer kit.

Heading Back to Buffalo

I’m heading back to Buffalo Tonight, which means I’ll talk to all of you beautiful people when I get back there! See you soon!

~ me

1. Tunes: :The Sticker Song – HaDag NaChash

Spring Schedule 2007

moocowinthecity Jan 9, 2007 0 Comments

This schedule seems to work best, placing Cardio early in the morning as well as Yoga right after it as a cool down/stretching period, and after the blood’s flowing, studying, followed by a wrap up prep-time to get materials prepared for the next day. I’ve allotted myself more time for commuting in the Afternoon because towards the end of the day busses run far less often (and are far more packed) than in the morning. It’s my goal this semester to always be at the campus no later than 11am and, of course, to stick with the health plan. I sort of want people to know that I can be relied on, to be on campus from 11am to 7pm (which is a standard eight hour day) and the benefit to a Cardio/Yoga routine is that if I want, for the cardio hour I can walk at a brisk pace around campus with someone if they need to talk with me, or if I have a paper coming up, I can read source documents while on a stationary bike, and I can always listen to audio drills of arabic while doing Yoga, so it allows for maximal flexibility in multi-tasking.

I refuse to do ‘work’ on Shabbat, that doesn’t mean that I won’t go out dancing, it just means that I take a break from my average duties during the week. This year Heather and I are making an effort to go do shabbat in a few different places since Hillel sort of just took a flying leap off the deep end into the abyss, leaving sanity, judaism and logic well behind.

Sunday’s Dance workout should be something special, it’s a weighted work out and is the lest holistic of the workout routines, as it’s where I’m coming up with my new drag routine.

I’ve printed out one of these for each week of class and I’m binding it together so I can keep track of how often I meet my goal. For those who think the schedule is ‘too insane’ If you look carefully, my day ends at 7:00pm so I’ve also alloted myself a ton of personal time to do really whatever it is that I want; and if one day I say “screw it, I’m having a movie marathon” as long as I do the morning work outs, and I’m caught up on my work, I may take that day and not study.

So, here’s to 2007!

Spring Schedule 2007

moocowinthecity Jan 9, 2007 0 Comments

This schedule seems to work best, placing Cardio early in the morning as well as Yoga right after it as a cool down/stretching period, and after the blood’s flowing, studying, followed by a wrap up prep-time to get materials prepared for the next day. I’ve allotted myself more time for commuting in the Afternoon because towards the end of the day busses run far less often (and are far more packed) than in the morning. It’s my goal this semester to always be at the campus no later than 11am and, of course, to stick with the health plan. I sort of want people to know that I can be relied on, to be on campus from 11am to 7pm (which is a standard eight hour day) and the benefit to a Cardio/Yoga routine is that if I want, for the cardio hour I can walk at a brisk pace around campus with someone if they need to talk with me, or if I have a paper coming up, I can read source documents while on a stationary bike, and I can always listen to audio drills of arabic while doing Yoga, so it allows for maximal flexibility in multi-tasking.

I refuse to do ‘work’ on Shabbat, that doesn’t mean that I won’t go out dancing, it just means that I take a break from my average duties during the week. This year Heather and I are making an effort to go do shabbat in a few different places since Hillel sort of just took a flying leap off the deep end into the abyss, leaving sanity, judaism and logic well behind.

Sunday’s Dance workout should be something special, it’s a weighted work out and is the lest holistic of the workout routines, as it’s where I’m coming up with my new drag routine.

I’ve printed out one of these for each week of class and I’m binding it together so I can keep track of how often I meet my goal. For those who think the schedule is ‘too insane’ If you look carefully, my day ends at 7:00pm so I’ve also alloted myself a ton of personal time to do really whatever it is that I want; and if one day I say “screw it, I’m having a movie marathon” as long as I do the morning work outs, and I’m caught up on my work, I may take that day and not study.

So, here’s to 2007!

Midnight Prayers

moocowinthecity Jan 8, 2007 0 Comments

Midnight Prayers
Jericho, New York
Matthew L. Schwartz

And as I enter my synagogue, the lights on low; the eternal flame over the ark burning bright highlighting the Hebrew above the Ark with our eternal flame: Know Before Whom You Stand:as angels tremble in awe/I bow my head in respect and I begin to beat my chest as I admit my transgressions and make them known before God/my tears streak down my cheeks as they bear witness against me:I cast myself away from my sins in this midnight hour/seeking this midnight reprieve and in the darkened halls of my shule/where I was raised:I raise my voice to heaven and pray that my words are carried to God, blessed be he, on the backs of angels’ wings as synagogue mice daven next to me as equals/for we stand as one creation before the lord in our darkest hours/both made by his hands and both to return to dust/and as I scream with my head flung high to the heavens while I face East, as the clock turns so too shall I face the gallows of ignorance and hate/my voice shattering, so primordial, I hear his voice calling back to me:

I will take you, I will hold you, I will love you, I will redeem you, I will sanctify you: breathe in my scent, feel my presence behind you/if you fall I will catch you/I will count you among my portion but not among my flock:you are not a sheep passing under my staff meant to walk placidly among the many. Go forth a soldier in the service of your lord/combat hate:hunger:war:greed:apathy/do my work and within my arms you shall be secure/in my tabernacle you shall be safe from harm/my heart will be your strength and the Torah your guidance:hold it and hold me/know it and know me, stand up for the weak/feed the widow and the poor:with your body protect the children:the infirm:the weak:let your body not be used as a vessel for war but let it become a symbol for peace and a physical shield for those too weak to defend themselves for I will heal all wounds and your flesh will tell the story of righteousness.

And as I anoint myself with oil and bind myself with the words of the lord upon my hand and between mine eyes: the leather of tefillin wrapping me in safety, the sun begins to rise and from darkness comes light, from chaos comes order and as I walk outside to confront my accusers/their fingers are pointed at me, people testifying and bearing false witness as they stare me in the eye, forked tongues shouting out lies about who and what I love/but I do not fear as I am lifted up among mine enemies and though I can see their camps as they surround me I shall fear no evil for the lord is my salvation and though in their hands they hold the rocks of bigotry:ignorance:hate I know I am not forsaken for he who is exalted has his hands cupped around me as angels guard my steps, taken in trepidation as I step forth into the future, so unknown but ordained/as it is written so it shall be:as I begin to walk from the hushed quiet center of this storm, making my way through these blind fools who cannot see as lighting and thunder resonate with each step as the wind blows and they look up at me in condemnation while they hurl stones that would shatter their own windows/I respond in tongues for all to hear me and for all to understand as they tell me that I have no heroes, that I am an abomination, that I have cast myself in sin, that I am in darkness so thick that the lord cannot see me/that I lie with a man as I would lie with a woman.

My heroes are my people/the same ones who you say want me oppressed: I turn to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and I live in the spirit of Sarah, Rachel, Rebecca and Leah and I walk the path between the physical and spiritual planes with Miriam as my guide: no human being is an abomination for we are all made in the divine light of God; it is our actions that determine our place among the stars as six million shed their blood so too did my brothers and sisters who bore the weight of the triangle at the camps and the sin that I am cast into is the sin brought upon by circumstance/though from a wealthy background I am but to you a second class citizen and though I hang out with Rogues and Slags and Hookers and Thieves there is honor in preaching to my congregation because I would rather be counted among those who are true to their nature and who are honest with me about who they are and what they believe than among a thousand congregations who cannot crawl through the eye of a needle/there is no darkness which can hide me from the grace of the lord, for grace is bestowed upon those who suffer persecution in the pursuit of peace and mine is the kingdom of heaven and I will not relinquish my birthright for if the lord were to make a stone which he could not lift it would be his word/his promise alone, that would leave that stone upon the ground. I do not lie with a man as I would lie with a woman and I know of no man who would lie with me in such a way: they lie with me like they would with another man:masculine and beautiful and blessed by God and though I be forsaken by some who say that they are of my flesh and my blood I am taken up by God and though I may be beaten the lord will by my salve and my healer and though I may be lost in a sea of confusion all I have to do is look up to the eternal flame and I have once again found my way.

I continue to push through the crowd as cuts appear on my skin, my clothing tattered and as I reach the outer edge of this chaos/this evil, I turn around to see nothing but an empty parking lot, the morning newspaper strewn upon the ground, blowing around: headlines so cutting, of a world gone insane and the voices, so quiet now in the leaves shrouded by free speech and opinions and spin, I walk through this mess swiftly, because I can feel the presence of another Hitler in the winds.

Midnight Prayers

moocowinthecity Jan 8, 2007 0 Comments

Midnight Prayers
Jericho, New York
Matthew L. Schwartz

And as I enter my synagogue, the lights on low; the eternal flame over the ark burning bright highlighting the Hebrew above the Ark with our eternal flame: Know Before Whom You Stand:as angels tremble in awe/I bow my head in respect and I begin to beat my chest as I admit my transgressions and make them known before God/my tears streak down my cheeks as they bear witness against me:I cast myself away from my sins in this midnight hour/seeking this midnight reprieve and in the darkened halls of my shule/where I was raised:I raise my voice to heaven and pray that my words are carried to God, blessed be he, on the backs of angels’ wings as synagogue mice daven next to me as equals/for we stand as one creation before the lord in our darkest hours/both made by his hands and both to return to dust/and as I scream with my head flung high to the heavens while I face East, as the clock turns so too shall I face the gallows of ignorance and hate/my voice shattering, so primordial, I hear his voice calling back to me:

I will take you, I will hold you, I will love you, I will redeem you, I will sanctify you: breathe in my scent, feel my presence behind you/if you fall I will catch you/I will count you among my portion but not among my flock:you are not a sheep passing under my staff meant to walk placidly among the many. Go forth a soldier in the service of your lord/combat hate:hunger:war:greed:apathy/do my work and within my arms you shall be secure/in my tabernacle you shall be safe from harm/my heart will be your strength and the Torah your guidance:hold it and hold me/know it and know me, stand up for the weak/feed the widow and the poor:with your body protect the children:the infirm:the weak:let your body not be used as a vessel for war but let it become a symbol for peace and a physical shield for those too weak to defend themselves for I will heal all wounds and your flesh will tell the story of righteousness.

And as I anoint myself with oil and bind myself with the words of the lord upon my hand and between mine eyes: the leather of tefillin wrapping me in safety, the sun begins to rise and from darkness comes light, from chaos comes order and as I walk outside to confront my accusers/their fingers are pointed at me, people testifying and bearing false witness as they stare me in the eye, forked tongues shouting out lies about who and what I love/but I do not fear as I am lifted up among mine enemies and though I can see their camps as they surround me I shall fear no evil for the lord is my salvation and though in their hands they hold the rocks of bigotry:ignorance:hate I know I am not forsaken for he who is exalted has his hands cupped around me as angels guard my steps, taken in trepidation as I step forth into the future, so unknown but ordained/as it is written so it shall be:as I begin to walk from the hushed quiet center of this storm, making my way through these blind fools who cannot see as lighting and thunder resonate with each step as the wind blows and they look up at me in condemnation while they hurl stones that would shatter their own windows/I respond in tongues for all to hear me and for all to understand as they tell me that I have no heroes, that I am an abomination, that I have cast myself in sin, that I am in darkness so thick that the lord cannot see me/that I lie with a man as I would lie with a woman.

My heroes are my people/the same ones who you say want me oppressed: I turn to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and I live in the spirit of Sarah, Rachel, Rebecca and Leah and I walk the path between the physical and spiritual planes with Miriam as my guide: no human being is an abomination for we are all made in the divine light of God; it is our actions that determine our place among the stars as six million shed their blood so too did my brothers and sisters who bore the weight of the triangle at the camps and the sin that I am cast into is the sin brought upon by circumstance/though from a wealthy background I am but to you a second class citizen and though I hang out with Rogues and Slags and Hookers and Thieves there is honor in preaching to my congregation because I would rather be counted among those who are true to their nature and who are honest with me about who they are and what they believe than among a thousand congregations who cannot crawl through the eye of a needle/there is no darkness which can hide me from the grace of the lord, for grace is bestowed upon those who suffer persecution in the pursuit of peace and mine is the kingdom of heaven and I will not relinquish my birthright for if the lord were to make a stone which he could not lift it would be his word/his promise alone, that would leave that stone upon the ground. I do not lie with a man as I would lie with a woman and I know of no man who would lie with me in such a way: they lie with me like they would with another man:masculine and beautiful and blessed by God and though I be forsaken by some who say that they are of my flesh and my blood I am taken up by God and though I may be beaten the lord will by my salve and my healer and though I may be lost in a sea of confusion all I have to do is look up to the eternal flame and I have once again found my way.

I continue to push through the crowd as cuts appear on my skin, my clothing tattered and as I reach the outer edge of this chaos/this evil, I turn around to see nothing but an empty parking lot, the morning newspaper strewn upon the ground, blowing around: headlines so cutting, of a world gone insane and the voices, so quiet now in the leaves shrouded by free speech and opinions and spin, I walk through this mess swiftly, because I can feel the presence of another Hitler in the winds.