open pasture

Look at my making a friends post, doing all this stuff again…

moocowinthecity 2016-08-31 8 Comments

Wow, so there’s so much to write about, and I’m sure it’ll come in time – for a very, very quick explanation: I’m in year two of three of my Master of Social Work (MSW) program. I work at Jewish Family Service in a few different roles (I’m in a very weird hybrid position), mostly in Health Home (working with Medicaid clients to make sure they stay connected to their doctors/wellness providers, and social services), but also as the Jewish Communal Social Worker at large for Greater Buffalo. In that role I also have clients at the WNY Center for Survivors of Torture which houses my clients who are Survivors and Child Survivors of the Holocaust.

Before I was in this role though, I was working 4 part time jobs (one of which was directing a not-for-profit within a not-for-profit that worked on behalf of folks with disabilities, and was a freelancers, and blah blah blah).

Anyway, UB (wisely) has us divide up our private lives and our public lives (or our personal live sand our professional lives), and I like being able to sort of have a refuge, where I can talk, or not be professional, or go on about video games…and decompress, or just breathe.

So we’re back to LiveJournal…and since I really don’t actually give a fuck if Russia reads my posts (I’m not too sure why I really did in the first place, unless it was just a “holy shit they’re horrific on LGBTQ rights” reaction), and since I have a permanent account here that should get some use…here we are…plus, you know, friends lists…I can write…and get feedback…but not have to share it with the world…that’s what my professional site’s for…it’s nice to have a Chinese wall between these two worlds.

So two weekends ago, as I was making arrangements to bury my second cousin, my father and I permanently parted ways. I’m not going to go into the details yet (because I’m tired, and have other things to do before I pass out for the night), but his untreated mental health issues, and his drug and alcohol addictions – along with his lifelong and long standing issues with me and my general existence came to the fore: he was screaming, raging, and threatening…and, thanks to being in the military (I’ve been screamed at a lot in the military…part of our training); and thanks to being in Social Work, well I just kept a pretty cool head and was like “okay…so if this is the respect you have for me, I’m just gunna peace out, and we’re done…” and so that was that. Fortunately provided a rescue/landing pad, food, hugs, and a friendly ear.

So it’s been a hot summer for the United States, and a stressful one for me (I took 5 grad courses…which I did well in, but isn’t something I’ll ever do again at the same time…omg what the fuck was I thinking), and it ended on a stressful note…but cutting out toxicity is actually a pretty positive thing, and being queer (and coming out when I did) means that I was very much raised (by my queer family) with the notion that you do get to choose your family…and I’m happy with the family I’ve chosen, the tribe I belong to, and the some of the family that God gave me…so that’s where I’m at, at least for now.

And it all comes full circle…

moocowinthecity 2016-08-23 No Comments

Cool, so I’m back to using this now…because life, and stuff, and things…

In Medias Res

moocowinthecity 2016-07-28 No Comments

Grateful to have my site back up and running again (with special thanks to my friend, Christie Syphrit, who is generously providing hosting (and the technical know-how to make this website a thing).

So much to write about (and it will come in the next few days, weeks, months, and years: right now I am in the second to last week of the summer session for four of my five summer classes (so I am just a little bit busy at the moment).

However, it is an incredibly kind of busy, working on projects that I find interesting and meaningful…and so I am going to get back to work, so I can finish a paper, and then head to bed!

#Journey #MSW #UB #UBSSW

We’ve made it through midterms! 5 more weeks of classes to go!

moocowinthecity 2015-11-12 No Comments

Wow! What an incredible whirlwind the past few weeks have been! I am so blessed to have such an incredible cohort to experience all of this with!  I am so excited for what the future holds for all of us!

Midterm grades are finally making their way back to us! I received a 95.6% on my Research Methods midterm (which I am extra excited about, because I wrote it while I had the flu). I am still waiting for my Theories of Human Behavior midterm to come back. However, our professor has assured us that we’ve done just fine, and that we all need to relax (you know, that whole self-care thing that we’re all supposed to be so incredible at by now).

Hard to believe that in five more weeks the semester will be over (and one of those weeks we’ll have off for Thanksgiving!). I am just, continually, thankful and grateful that I’ve been afforded this incredible opportunity to study something that I love and care about so much.

December will be here before we know it! I am very much looking forward to spending New Years Eve in Vienna, Austria, visiting the Sigmund Freud Museum, and – of course – listening to the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra play on New Years Day (we all practice self-care in our own ways, and mine is by occasionally giving into my wanderlust)!

#Journey #MSW #UB #UBSSW

Kol Nidrei

moocowinthecity 2015-09-22 No Comments

So once again Erev Yom Kippur is upon us, and my favorite service of the year: Kol Nidrei will happen tonight.  Kol Nidrei, in my tradition and the tradition of my family – as a family of refugees – is where we pray for those who cannot pray for themselves. We pray for those who, if they were honest about who and what they are, would put their lives in jeopardy.

Kol Nidrei releases us from those oaths that we are forced to swear in order to live and see another day. Kol Nidrei is as much a promise as it is an absolution: a promise that we understand, a promise that we will look out for the souls of the people who need us to, while they look out for their lives and find their way to safety.

Tonight I – and many others – will be saying Kol Nidrei not just for the Jewish people, but for every refugee fleeing violence who has to lie about who they are, their names, their backgrounds, in order to find safe harbor. We will be saying Kol Nidrei for our gay brothers and sisters who have to choose between honesty and love, or being thrown off the roof of a building. We will be saying Kol Nidrei for every human being forced to be a number, and we will be saying Kol Nidrei for all those who are forced to deny the very essence of what makes them who they are. We will be saying Kol Nidrei for all those who are living where evil is so strong that they are forced to go underground or into hiding. We will be saying Kol Nidrei for all those who are told that they must convert or die by the sword. Tonight as we pray the words that leave our mouths are not our own, rather they are the voices belonging to the countless souls seeking freedom and liberation who are crying out to be heard, we are their vessels.

This evening, as we begin our fast for Yom Kippur we are connected to all of our people: past, present, and future, and we prepare to stand before the Divine Judge. I have spent, as many do, the past month of Elul looking back at my year, and my life; so too I have spent these Days of Awe in reflection.

We are taught that even the Hosts of Heaven, in their awesome divinity, in their power, in their might as soldiers of God stand in Judgment alongside us; then what hope for us? We humans, we who have fallen so far from where we‘re supposed to be? From where we’re supposed to go? From what we can become? So far from being the servants that we are meant to be? We stand before God naked yet fully clothed. The deepest corners of our minds and our hearts and our souls are open and laid before the Divine Judge to see, to recall, to recount, to probe, as we are forced to bear witness to our own actions.

I have sinned. I have transgressed. I have fallen short. I have not been all that I can be. I have not made all the right decisions. Sometimes I even knew I was making the wrong decision and I did it anyway…I have been obstinate, refusing to learn each lesson and to turn from each and every temptation. Even though a righteous path has been laid before me, I at times have refused to walk it, and at other times I have stumbled, I have faltered, I have fallen off of it. Though a Nefesh (soul), pure and complete has been given to me by God, I – through my own actions and my own actions alone – have allowed it to become marked.

Then what becomes of us? Repentance, prayer, and charity – these temper God’s severe decree…and so as we enter this awesome day, full of dread and wonder, I ask forgiveness from all those whom I have transgressed, willingly or unwillingly, knowingly or unknowingly; and I forgive without reservation or hesitation: I forgive all who have transgressed me. Let no one be punished or held to account on my behalf, for I can recall no transgressions against me, they are gone with the setting of the sun.

I do not wish those fasting with me an easy fast: rather I wish you a meaningful one.

From my family to yours, may you all be inscribed in the Book of Life for another year of trying to get it right, may the next year bring us one more step closer to a world that will bring the Moshiach, and may God in his infinite power blast down every closet door, and shelter all those who seek his refuge.

#Religion #Spirituality #Judaism #LGBTQ #Sexuality

You Can Play at UB

moocowinthecity 2015-09-17 No Comments

https://vimeo.com/131009150

Incredibly moved to see the University at Buffalo take a stand for Disability and LGBTQ inclusion!‬

#UB

So who’s still around these days?

moocowinthecity 2015-03-19 7 Comments

Mostly I’m on Tumblr 🙂

Hey All :o) I’m on Tumblr These Days

moocowinthecity 2014-05-25 No Comments

Hey All,

I’m on tumblr these days:

http://nomadmatan.tumblr.com

:o)

I hope to see you there :o) Follow me and I’ll follow you :o)

Best,

Matan