November 2020

moocowinthecity 2020-11-30 No Comments

Episode 9: Solution Focused Brief Therapy Everything & Everywhere

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Episode 9: Solution Focused Brief Therapy Everything & Everywhere

Welcome everyone! I hope that everyone’s had a restful week wherever you’re listening from. Two weekends ago the Solution Focused Brief Therapy Association, of which I am a member (and sit on their Diversity and Programming Committees) pulled off an amazing feat: the SFBTA managed to put together an online Solution Focused Conference with 240 participants, from 22 countries, over 5 continents. Wow!

There was an incredible amount of diversity in the programming – which follows, since this year’s theme was “putting differences to work!”

It got me thinking, especially as my favorite Kiwi called me from New Zealand this morning to talk rugby (I’ve been an All Blacks fan since I had hair, so it was nice to talk to someone who had a similar love of my favorite team). During our conversation he asked me if I’d be interested in talking to some of his fellow coaches in his municipality, and he asked if SFBT had anything to offer Rugby. I said of course it did! When we’re not using Solution Focused Brief Therapy we’re using it for coaching (and as Insoo Kim Berg once said, the difference between SFBT and SFBC is that you’ll get paid more if you call it coaching)!

SFBT, when you become a practitioner, it becomes a part of you – and all that you do. You can be a Solution Focused doctor, lawyer, teacher, nurse, parent, nutritionist, artist, dancer, circus entertainer, and yes, a Solution Focused rugby player, coach, or referee. What was so nice is that our latest conference exhibited so much of that. Yes, we use it as a therapy, but as much as it is a therapy…it is a philosophy, and a way of living our live that can bring balance, and contentment, and empowerment, and answers – SOLUTIONS – to our hardest decisions.

When I was first studying SFBT work, I was studying under my professor, Denise Krause, at the University at Buffalo, in my interventions course. I was also studying under two social workers and one psychologist in my initial field placement. Bob, the psychologist always gave a baseball example if he could (he didn’t watch rugby, no one’s perfect).

I’m going to paraphrase because I have an inkling that maybe the insert ever changing sports team here didn’t really have this happen, but it’s a good metaphor: picture a clutch hitter, the baseball player who’s supposed to bring everyone in when all bases are loaded…the player who’s supposed to hit a home run, or just knock it out of the park. Suddenly, the clutch hitter isn’t doing well. So the clutch hitter starts watching tape after tape of all of his misses trying to spot the problem. Week after week. His batting isn’t getting any better. All he can think about and tall he can talk about is what’s not working, how he’s “messing up.” Now…they bring in a Solution Focused Coach…what do you think that coach does? That coach has him stop watching all of the videos of his errors and misses, and start watching videos of every time he was getting it right. When was it working out? When was the problem not a problem? How can we make that happen again? If you had to scale yourself right now, where would you be? And if you were 10% better, how would you know it? What would we need to do to get there?

Solution Focused Brief Therapy (and Self SFBT work) also got me through some of the most physically difficult moments of my life, when my body was failing all around me. It is powerful, and a gift, from Insoo Kim Berg and Steve DeShazer, and it is as applicable in a therapists office as it is on the rugby pitch.

Which is good news, because as my first semester of my doctoral in social work program winds down, I find myself preparing to move out of a direct mental health therapy role in the next year, into one as a Solution Focused Financial Social Worker, combining both my Master of Business Administration and my Social Work and Counseling Background to help folks understand their relationship to money, and their behavioral health…and if I can’t do it as a Solution Focused Brief Therapist, then I don’t want to do it all.

Fortunately for me, you can SFBT all the things!

Thank you for listening. Please tune in again next Sunday (and every time in-between), as we continue forward together down our solutions focused path. Comments, constructive criticism, feedback, and questions can be sent to [email protected]. Yes I’m on Social Media at @TheMattSchwartz on all of the platforms you’d think to look at. I’m Matt Schwartz, and it’s a pleasure to be your host.

The music you’re listening to in the background today is Boston Landing on “Blue Dot Sessions” generously shared through a creative commons license. Please find more of their music at www.sessions.blue, that’s w-w-w- dot s-e-s-s-i-o-n-s- dot b-l-u-e. I’ll see you next Sunday with more; until then, make good choices.

Journey

moocowinthecity 2020-11-07 No Comments

A Different Kind of Open Letter to the Board

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David Goldberg and I had an incredibly productive discussion on Thursday. It lasted an hour and ten minutes. It was filled with nothing but mutual respect and listening. I shared with David that I would prefer to work transparently than to address the board privately. David shared that he could respect that, hence this open letter to the Board (of a very different kind).

I want to make it clear before I continue that one can be upset with someone, angry with someone, believe that something wrong happened, and still love and respect that person (or institution) at the same time. It’s called a Dialectic – when two opposing things are true at once (it’s the opposite of cognitive dissonance).

I also want to share that I do not believe that there are sides here. There are people which make up a community, which makes up our congregation. Many with different opinions, all hurting. This is not a binary, either/or situation.

One of the criticisms of my first Open letter was that some felt that it contained ultimatums. It did not. When utilizing Robert’s Rules of Order, and following our By-Laws, there is no room to simply call a “town hall.” A special meeting has to have very specific items to discuss, and then to vote on, up or down.

David asked what a Town Hall could look like. One that was filled with respect, and love, and mutual understanding, and shared goals, and a path forward toward healing. David asked me to present my ideas for what that might look like, and how it could be held in a manner that would ensure respect, and to reduce further hurt, instead of causing more harm.

I told him that a model for this very type of situation that we find ourselves in now exists. It is called Restorative Justice. It is used both when there have been serious crimes…but also when communities have felt hurt. It is a way of bringing everyone together, with an outside facilitator or facilitators, so that all (even those accused of wrongdoing or mistakes) can hear and be heard, and then heal [zotpressInText item=”{6833765:QNB8VQ2C}”].

The general principles of Restorative Justice are that:

When something occurs where hurt happens, it is because there was, somewhere, a violation of people and obligations.
The violations that have occurred create new obligations for all involved (the community, the victim(s), those who have made mistakes or hurt others (intentionally or unintentionally).
Justice (or healing) must bring together the entire community, including those who are victims, those who have made mistakes or intentional wrongdoing, and those who are simply members of the impacted community in an effort to put things right.
This moves away from someone “getting what they deserve” and moves into all who have been hurt being healed (Tikkun Olam). It also involves those who have hurt making meaningful T’Shuvah.
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These are all Jewish values. If you would like to read the book on Restorative Justice, you can do so for free here as a PDF.

These meetings are not “free for alls.” They are not a place where fingers are pointed. They must be entered into as a Holy Act (and we are a holy congregation and community). These are a place where both those who have offended, and those who have been hurt (and sometimes those who have been hurt and who have also offended) come together for healing.

I am not putting myself forward as a facilitator. I am not trained in Restorative Justice practices (it is on my long term bucket list, but it’ll be another few years until I get there). There are however many Restorative Justice practitioners and trainers here in Buffalo (through the University at Buffalo School of Social Work, and other institutions and agencies) who could facilitate a Restorative Justice Circle for our congregation.

The goal of this meeting is to have restorative healing.

To be sure it is going to be uncomfortable. Whenever we take a Chesbon Nefesh (an “accounting of our souls”) we have to hear difficult truths. We have to also share difficult truths with others that we love. Just because we have to share difficult truths does not mean that we do not love them. It is because we love one another that this kind of meeting can, and should take place.

My recommendation then would be for the Board to consider a Restorative Justice Circle, with an impartial outside facilitator. After this, we can look at bylaw changes that may or may not be needed. First, though, healing.

References:

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open pasture

moocowinthecity 2020-11-04 1 Comment

An Open Letter to the Board of TBZ (Temple Beth Zion)

To The Board,

I am struggling right now, and I feel that I must share that struggle with the Board, and I ask that the Board respectfully share in that struggle with me by not skimming this email but finding the time to read it in its entirety. Please know this is written M’kol Ha’lev (from my whole heart). That said, right now I am struggling. Right now, I am questioning my faith. Right now, I am hurting.

The last many months have been hard, to be sure. I am sure they have been hard for the Board as well.

Two months ago, at our congregational meeting, I spoke up. And I am ashamed of my behavior. In New York I worked in Business, in Buffalo I work in Social Work. I am familiar with how boards and organizations work. During our congregational meeting I called for a middle of the road approach when I spoke up. I asked fellow congregants to trust the Board, and to trust the Rabbi that the separation was the best option during our congregational meeting. I shared that we don’t always need to know everything that occurs at the board level. I was wrong. I will have to do T’shuva for that mistake, now and on this coming Yom Kippur which feels like an eternity from now.

I am even more saddened, because while I am obviously embarrassed at my own misplaced trust and my faith in our leadership (and perhaps feelings of my own naivety), my feelings and hurt pale in comparison to the havoc this תוֹקפָּן (aggressor) was able to wreak on our congregation: turning us against one another, leading to the use of misogynistic language (by himself, and the Board) to describe our Cantor, who is a victim of his manipulation, lies, and malfeasance. The loss of Rabbi Scheldt (and with him the Jewish Spirituality Center of Western New York) due to the same. The loss of Tina, a ray of sunshine and a hard worker. The loss of good will on our financial statements. The loss of moral standing in our community. The level of toxic culture that has been created where there is now a feeling that we must keep things בפנים הקהילה (within the community) as a form of ‘damage control’ instead of talking about them openly and in the light where they belong. How much time was spent protecting an aggressor instead of consoling and working to heal and make right a victim? What happened to “Tzedek Tzedek Tirdof!”? (“justice, justice you shall pursue!”)?

Speaking of keeping things “in the community,” I am also dismayed that in our closed Temple Beth Zion Facebook Group discussion on this matter seems to be regularly shutdown or stifled. A transparent public forum is precisely the place where this conversation needs to happen. The Board has been allowed to operate in secret with our trust. That did not work. Now we have to move this discussion to the open until a just resolution is found beyond seeing the back of Rabbi Freirich when he leaves in December (when, honestly, it should have been the moment his behavior was brought to light, and the allegations confirmed, which they have been by the CCAR).

If Cantor Meyers were to sue the synagogue, as both a (former) human resource professional and as a current social worker, I would support her in that action. As a congregant, doubly so. The Board was derelict in its duty to protect its most valuable resource: its staff.

After reading the report from the CCAR, I am horrified that the CCAR considers this egregious behavior by Rabbi Freirich to merit only an “unpublished” censure, rather than expulsion from the rabbinate. It has me physically ill when I think about it because I can only begin to imagine what it would take for a full expulsion if this isn’t it. What more would one have to do to demonstrate that they aren’t fit to be a member of the cloth?

I am having a crisis of faith – this is not something that should have ever happened, ever been allowed to continue happening, and is not something that should have ever been allowed to be kept from the congregation. The recent letter sent to congregants was also woefully lacking in introspection, responsibility, or insight. That there has been no further communication, no congregational meeting, and generally radio silence is even more disheartening.

I am calling on the Board to either a) publicly commit to a period of meaningful T’shuva, as determined by an outside facilitator, who will evaluate both length and type of T’shuva appropriate to each board member’s action or lack therefore, to earn back the trust of the congregation, or b) if the Board is unwilling to do so, to resign forthwith so we can hold elections and begin to make changes, and move on in the light of transparency (a motion of which I will be putting forward in the coming days, to be included in our bylaws).

I also take this time to remind the Board that I am one of this congregations’ youngest members, if not the youngest member (and that’s at 36, closer to my 40s than my 30s). If this congregation is going to survive, it is going to have to do some serious soul searching and move away from its current culture that puts on pedestals family legacies of connection to this synagogue, donor culture, and protectionism, and recognize actions not words.

Given that conversation on this is being stifled online (multiple posts have now been deleted in our closed group) I am sharing this letter on my blog, with comments open for discussion, as well as my Facebook. This is 2020, organizations no longer get to “control” the message, especially if it is one rightfully critical of them. While these are my perceptions, you are welcome to share your own…just not under the cover of privacy. That was a privilege which we, as congregants, afforded you, and one that will have to be earned back.

B’Tikvah,

Matthew L. Schwartz (a/k/a/ Matan Ar’ye Schwartz)