June 2017

Creating Spaces of Awe

So from today’s Every Day, Holy Day: 365 Days of Teachings and Practices from the Jewish Tradition of Mussar (by Alan Morinis) we are given the following to ponder:

“Once it has become clear to one that wherever he may be, he is standing before the presence of the Holy One, there will come to him of itself, the awe and fear of going astray in his actions so that they do not accord with the majesty of the Blessed One.” – Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (1707-1746)

The phrase that we’ve been using as our reminder phrase (for those who follow along with this book as part of their Mussar Practice) is “the beginning of wisdom is awe” and our practice this week has been to “put yourself in places that bring out the experience of awe in you.”

One of the things I admire most about Judaism is that it – generally speaking – starts in our homes (wherever that home may be, and whatever kind of tent it may look like). Judaism doesn’t entreat us to go to far off lands to change the world. Instead – through practices like Mussar and Tikkun Olam, we are taught to transform the world starting in our very own homes, our own neighborhoods, our own yards, and streets, through thousands and millions of tiny, small, wonderful acts.

This is very similar to what we talk with clients about in Solutions-Focused Brief Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, and Cognitive Behavior Therapy: to change others, sometimes it’s necessary to change yourself (through behavioral changes)…we can only control our own actions, but what is beautiful about that is that our actions have consequences, and sometimes those consequences are truly meaningful, and truly wonderful.

I have been feeling very overwhelmed recently (summer classes can do that, especially four of them, alongside learning to live with a new, very pesky, disability), and a bit dysthymic (more so than usual, but I think that’s probable due to a lack of sunlight as I stare at books and papers instead of the great outdoors).

Because of this, my home office (which I usually love and treasure) and my bedroom (which is usually my sanctuary) have fallen into a spot where they don’t produce awe, but rather a bit of dread…and what a shame, especially in light of this week’s Mussar practice!

So tonight, my Shabbat experience will be to create a space where I can once again find awe, so that I can have the beginning of wisdom once more (in that I can finish writing some papers, and then start on some other homework assignments, so my stress will go down, and I will be underwhelmed instead of overwhelmed).

These are those Mussar moments: the real, the tangible, the small, the pragmatic.

I’ll count on the best resource I have ever found for anyone (especially those with disabilities, or mental health conditions) to organize, clean, and get one’s life back in order: Unf*ck Your Habitat: You’re Better Than Your Mess by Rachel Hoffman, to get me through this process…and probably a good dose of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on Audible while I work.

“So while you’re back at the Mayo Clinic…”

Just finished up at the doctor; while we’re going over everything he was like “The problem with Rheumatology is that it’s not like Doabetes where we can just look at your A1C…so while you’re back at the Mayo Clinic in August please see if they’ll take investigate the possibility of Inclusion Body Myositis…”

Okay Doc…

Squirrel Squad

So on my 3DS I have the three original Pokémon (Red, Blue & Yellow) as well as Pokémon X & Moon. I recently reset Pokémon Red and have decided I’m going to try and level up Squirtel to LVL100 in the Viridian Forest by having him fight hundreds of caterpies before I take on Brock, just to see what happens. I’ll let you know how it goes 🙂

Bitch & Moan

So first – I am so incredibly thankful for the WordPress iPhone App. I’d prefer to be at my desk writing right now, but my body’s on day 5 of a flareup and I spent most of the day sleeping, followed by a good few hours finishing a paper, and I just can’t sit at my desk anymore, and I can’t sit in a position in bed to use my laptop either, snd my arms are in too much pain to type, so I’m super glad this is an option. 

I was also about to self sensor and then realized: fuck it, it’s my blog, I can write, bitch, moan, and complain about whatever the fuck I want to here…that’s the whole fucking point.

So that said: I’m on day five of a flare up because my PT wanted to see my pain limits and levels (which was depressing in and of itself because it took ten minutes of barely and activity to fuck up five+ days of my life, and make absolutely everything miserable; I can’t even find a position to sit/exist in comfortably).

Adding this bullshit to my general level of pain and fatigue, I’m amazed I’ve gotten any work done at all. I keep on reminding myself I just have to get through this summer, and then it’s just field placement and two more courses (one class each semester) until graduation.

Fortunately, Akiva (my cat) is super snuggly, I have Netflix, and I’m almost done writing out my work schedule (including time built in for Fibromyalgia Fuckery) to get me through the rest of the summer courses.

One of the hardest things to get used to is forgiving yourself for not being able to do things/giving yourself permission to not check off everything on you to do list because your body just won’t let you.
It’s all a very shitty learning process. And right now it’s a shitty learning process where I can barely walk, everything hurts, and there’s no way of getting comfortable at all.

Instagram Username Update

So I am super excited!

When I first registered for Instagram, someone had taken my username (the nerve!), and to make matters worse, they hadn’t even used the account in I don’t know how many years.

Fortunately, the other day I happened to check, and my username became available, so my Instagram username is no longer TheMattSchwartzNet, and is finally TheMattSchwartz which makes me endlessly happy (I like it when things match).

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVi-aGVACpL/?taken-by=themattschwartz