October 2006

Fridays

Subject: Fridays

Date: Friday 10/6/06 4:36:00 PM

Location: Hillel of Buffalo, University at Buffalo, Buffalo, New York

Class this morning was fun; however, there’s certainly a problem holding the course in the basement of Clemens (which is always over heated) as students (myself included) are wearing warmer clothes (with the decrease in temperature and in preperation of the Buffalo Winter), in a classroom that isn’t terribly well lit to begin with, and where the lights are shut off so the powerpoint slideshow can be show: it just knocks everyone out.

I noticed myself drifting today, and the problem is, that I’m the only one in this class who talks…EVER (don’t get me wrong, the instructor is amazing) but unlike my other courses where people speak up, exchange ideas…no one talks in this course but me. This is difficult when the class is (like it was today) heavily based on just powerpoint because it doesn’t really engage anyone and in that kind of atmosphere, if I’m not engaged, I’m drifting because there’s no input…I’m just staring at a screen, taking notes, notes that I could take out of a book on my own…in a quiet, dark, incredibly warm room, wearing a hoodie which then feels, like a nice warm blanket and my brain wants to shut down (and attempts to do so).

I finally just started asking semi-random questions (which, did pertain to the topics at hand but at the same time, were random enough to envoke some kind of discussion) to keep my mind active, so I wouldn’t drift off again (which I noticed I was doing). I’m writing a letter to the Buildings Dept. asking them to lower the heat there, for the sake of our GPAs, maybe they’ll listen.

I then met with Dr. Jaeger to plan out my last few classes here at UB before I begin the emigration and dual citizenship process (greekcub I have no idea how you managed to be patient, I’m chomping at the bit).

I really want to take a course from Dr. Wolfgang Wolck (I’ve heard only wonderful, and incredible things about him) before I graduate and he only teaches in the spring, so this is pretty much my only chance. Not only that, this spring he’s teaching Advanced Sociolinguistics which sounds fantastic (I’m having a great time in Paauw’s Sociolinguistics class and I’d like to continue with it). I’m hoping to get into that course (and since I’m a Super Senior, my registration window should allow me to register before anyone else as it is). I also want to take Dr. Jaeger’s Phonetics course next fall before I graduate. If I can’t get into Wolck’s course I’ll take the 400 level Linguistic Anthropology course which would also be fun, just (I don’t think) anywhere near as cool as taking a course from Prof. Wolck.

This is certainly an exciting time, it’s crunch time…and it’s almost over. A lot of hard work, over a lot of years, is about to pay off…and it’s going to pay off big time.

I finish classes in December (I already have my final exam dates, which UB was sure to remind me are subject to change); I’m in the Middle East for 10 Days over December-January, then I’m back to start Spring Semester where I’ll have four classes…all on Tuesdays/Thursdays with Monday, Wednesday and Fridays off.

I think one of the best parts about my schedule for next semester is that all of my classes are either in Baldy or Norton (which is almost next to Baldy…you just walk through a cat walk). Which would mean I would come in through the bust stop at Flint Loop, in the morning, go to the Linguistic Lounge, Go to Class, Lounge, Class, Lounge, Class, Lounge, Class, Lounge and then home, with four day weekends every week (which would allow ample time for language study and of course, fieldwork).

Then this Summer I have to take CSE111 (for my math GenEd) and finish my Nutrition GenEd which I’ll do…because I have to…not because I want to…But I’ll make the best out of it and maybe I can pick up some useful tidbits. I plan on scehduleing those for the same Summer Session this Summer (if the system will allow me, they only allow a weird number of credits per session) and when that’s done (well, either before or after, depending on scheduling) I’ll be spending a month in Tel Aviv getting used to it, finding my way around, and re-affirming that this is what I want to do (sort of just reconfirming what my heart and my mind are telling me). I’ll also be working my last Yaoi North convention for awhile, and it’s at that convention where I’ll be announcing who I’ve selected (with Chris gryvon‘s approval) as my successor to run Gay Sex: 101.

Then I come back from Tel Aviv and start the Fall Semester where I’ll be taking two Linguistics Courses and – rumor is – they’ll be adding an Arabic V (I’ve taken Arabic I, II, III and I’m taking Arabic IV this Spring Semester) which I’ll glady take, so I can have a course with Prof. Roustum one last time before I graduate.

I finish out these courses in December, take the Finals, Say my goodbyes (probably cry…a lot) and one week after I graduate, I make the big move. It doesn’t seem so far away, my heart just aches because I’m not there now. It’s a hard feeling to explain and I know a few (maybe more) of my friends are upset…but I just can’t base my life around what will make other people happy. I have to follow my heart.

I have my first Mid-Term on Tuesday for Paauw’s class which I’m sure I’ll do well on (actually, I think the entire class is going to do well on it, it’s a pleasure to study with everyone in LIN315…there’s this great vibe the class has). I’ll be studying for that this weekend. I have to start studying for my Arabic Mid-Term for Prof. Roustum this weekend as well. I’m doing well in Arabic, but I missed two classes because I wasn’t feeling well (as Prof. Roustum says, “you’re health comes first…this is not an important class…if you are tired, sleep!”) so now I feel slightly behind (but I’ll catch myself up over the weekend…I plan on flash carding my entire vocabulary, so I can at least see what I know and how far I’ve progressed).

Linguistic Analysis I & II don’t have Mid-Terms, they just have papers, assignments and a three hour open note book/open book final exams (one of which is from 7:00pm to 10:00pm). Sociolinguistics also has a three hour exam as well as a semester long research project, papers, quizes and other fun things.

Grade Wise (based on assignments) my estimates are that:

(just finding the average of the grades I’ve received. Not taking into account which grades count for more)

In Paauw’s class I have a 107%

In Kang’s Class (at present) I think I have a 95%

In Shin-Wei’s class I think I have an A (I’m not sure, but I think the paper I wrote for her today – which I had her correct this morning and I made the neccessary changes before I turned it in) was at least a B+, probably an A (I hope) which means it will then cancel out the C I got on the first assignment (best 5 out of 6 counts…I’m still semi-annoyed with myself). If not, it’s still okay because I now understand – fully – the Maximum Onset Principle and some other issues with syllabification which were alluding me. I’m having a little difficulty doing some of the Allophone/Phoneme Analysis, but Dr. Jaeger said that can take a few tries to get and it’s on my list to study this weekend so I should have it down and memorized by Monday with little to no problem.

I have no idea what I’m getting in Prof. Roustum’s class…I’ve had him for three semesters and I can’t figure out how he grades exams (at all), what points count for what, or anything…but I can tell you that there’s a Mid-Term, a Final and that they’re both held in class. That’s your entire grade right there, just two exams…but, no stress…(yeah…right). I need to seriously impress him on the Mid-Term, I’m going for an A- (at the least) so I can do an independent study with him next semester (providing I can block it in to my schedule).

Today’s been a very blase day, not a lot of people around for some reason (I guess people are going home for the weekend?) a bunch of people were out from class, and in all, the campus just has this very quite tone to it today, a relaxed tenor. I was supposed to go out with Nikki tonight but our plans fell through so I’m sort of just hanging out around campus hoping to run into some people so I can get a little rest and entertainment on Shabbat. I may go to Sarah’s and just read poetry with her or something.

Tonight’s the first night of Sukkot and Hillel isn’t doing anything (had I known in advance Jordan was going away for the weekend I would have tried to organize something but it’s also possible he told me and it didn’t click) so I’m feeling sort of lonely and I really don’t feel like going out to a gay club or bar tonight (to what end?) I don’t really have any friends here in the Queer Community anymore, not through animosity just people take different paths in life.

I’m going to head over to Sarah’s…peace all.

~ Matan

Fridays

Subject: Fridays

Date: Friday 10/6/06 4:36:00 PM

Location: Hillel of Buffalo, University at Buffalo, Buffalo, New York

Class this morning was fun; however, there’s certainly a problem holding the course in the basement of Clemens (which is always over heated) as students (myself included) are wearing warmer clothes (with the decrease in temperature and in preperation of the Buffalo Winter), in a classroom that isn’t terribly well lit to begin with, and where the lights are shut off so the powerpoint slideshow can be show: it just knocks everyone out.

I noticed myself drifting today, and the problem is, that I’m the only one in this class who talks…EVER (don’t get me wrong, the instructor is amazing) but unlike my other courses where people speak up, exchange ideas…no one talks in this course but me. This is difficult when the class is (like it was today) heavily based on just powerpoint because it doesn’t really engage anyone and in that kind of atmosphere, if I’m not engaged, I’m drifting because there’s no input…I’m just staring at a screen, taking notes, notes that I could take out of a book on my own…in a quiet, dark, incredibly warm room, wearing a hoodie which then feels, like a nice warm blanket and my brain wants to shut down (and attempts to do so).

I finally just started asking semi-random questions (which, did pertain to the topics at hand but at the same time, were random enough to envoke some kind of discussion) to keep my mind active, so I wouldn’t drift off again (which I noticed I was doing). I’m writing a letter to the Buildings Dept. asking them to lower the heat there, for the sake of our GPAs, maybe they’ll listen.

I then met with Dr. Jaeger to plan out my last few classes here at UB before I begin the emigration and dual citizenship process (greekcub I have no idea how you managed to be patient, I’m chomping at the bit).

I really want to take a course from Dr. Wolfgang Wolck (I’ve heard only wonderful, and incredible things about him) before I graduate and he only teaches in the spring, so this is pretty much my only chance. Not only that, this spring he’s teaching Advanced Sociolinguistics which sounds fantastic (I’m having a great time in Paauw’s Sociolinguistics class and I’d like to continue with it). I’m hoping to get into that course (and since I’m a Super Senior, my registration window should allow me to register before anyone else as it is). I also want to take Dr. Jaeger’s Phonetics course next fall before I graduate. If I can’t get into Wolck’s course I’ll take the 400 level Linguistic Anthropology course which would also be fun, just (I don’t think) anywhere near as cool as taking a course from Prof. Wolck.

This is certainly an exciting time, it’s crunch time…and it’s almost over. A lot of hard work, over a lot of years, is about to pay off…and it’s going to pay off big time.

I finish classes in December (I already have my final exam dates, which UB was sure to remind me are subject to change); I’m in the Middle East for 10 Days over December-January, then I’m back to start Spring Semester where I’ll have four classes…all on Tuesdays/Thursdays with Monday, Wednesday and Fridays off.

I think one of the best parts about my schedule for next semester is that all of my classes are either in Baldy or Norton (which is almost next to Baldy…you just walk through a cat walk). Which would mean I would come in through the bust stop at Flint Loop, in the morning, go to the Linguistic Lounge, Go to Class, Lounge, Class, Lounge, Class, Lounge, Class, Lounge and then home, with four day weekends every week (which would allow ample time for language study and of course, fieldwork).

Then this Summer I have to take CSE111 (for my math GenEd) and finish my Nutrition GenEd which I’ll do…because I have to…not because I want to…But I’ll make the best out of it and maybe I can pick up some useful tidbits. I plan on scehduleing those for the same Summer Session this Summer (if the system will allow me, they only allow a weird number of credits per session) and when that’s done (well, either before or after, depending on scheduling) I’ll be spending a month in Tel Aviv getting used to it, finding my way around, and re-affirming that this is what I want to do (sort of just reconfirming what my heart and my mind are telling me). I’ll also be working my last Yaoi North convention for awhile, and it’s at that convention where I’ll be announcing who I’ve selected (with Chris gryvon‘s approval) as my successor to run Gay Sex: 101.

Then I come back from Tel Aviv and start the Fall Semester where I’ll be taking two Linguistics Courses and – rumor is – they’ll be adding an Arabic V (I’ve taken Arabic I, II, III and I’m taking Arabic IV this Spring Semester) which I’ll glady take, so I can have a course with Prof. Roustum one last time before I graduate.

I finish out these courses in December, take the Finals, Say my goodbyes (probably cry…a lot) and one week after I graduate, I make the big move. It doesn’t seem so far away, my heart just aches because I’m not there now. It’s a hard feeling to explain and I know a few (maybe more) of my friends are upset…but I just can’t base my life around what will make other people happy. I have to follow my heart.

I have my first Mid-Term on Tuesday for Paauw’s class which I’m sure I’ll do well on (actually, I think the entire class is going to do well on it, it’s a pleasure to study with everyone in LIN315…there’s this great vibe the class has). I’ll be studying for that this weekend. I have to start studying for my Arabic Mid-Term for Prof. Roustum this weekend as well. I’m doing well in Arabic, but I missed two classes because I wasn’t feeling well (as Prof. Roustum says, “you’re health comes first…this is not an important class…if you are tired, sleep!”) so now I feel slightly behind (but I’ll catch myself up over the weekend…I plan on flash carding my entire vocabulary, so I can at least see what I know and how far I’ve progressed).

Linguistic Analysis I & II don’t have Mid-Terms, they just have papers, assignments and a three hour open note book/open book final exams (one of which is from 7:00pm to 10:00pm). Sociolinguistics also has a three hour exam as well as a semester long research project, papers, quizes and other fun things.

Grade Wise (based on assignments) my estimates are that:

(just finding the average of the grades I’ve received. Not taking into account which grades count for more)

In Paauw’s class I have a 107%

In Kang’s Class (at present) I think I have a 95%

In Shin-Wei’s class I think I have an A (I’m not sure, but I think the paper I wrote for her today – which I had her correct this morning and I made the neccessary changes before I turned it in) was at least a B+, probably an A (I hope) which means it will then cancel out the C I got on the first assignment (best 5 out of 6 counts…I’m still semi-annoyed with myself). If not, it’s still okay because I now understand – fully – the Maximum Onset Principle and some other issues with syllabification which were alluding me. I’m having a little difficulty doing some of the Allophone/Phoneme Analysis, but Dr. Jaeger said that can take a few tries to get and it’s on my list to study this weekend so I should have it down and memorized by Monday with little to no problem.

I have no idea what I’m getting in Prof. Roustum’s class…I’ve had him for three semesters and I can’t figure out how he grades exams (at all), what points count for what, or anything…but I can tell you that there’s a Mid-Term, a Final and that they’re both held in class. That’s your entire grade right there, just two exams…but, no stress…(yeah…right). I need to seriously impress him on the Mid-Term, I’m going for an A- (at the least) so I can do an independent study with him next semester (providing I can block it in to my schedule).

Today’s been a very blase day, not a lot of people around for some reason (I guess people are going home for the weekend?) a bunch of people were out from class, and in all, the campus just has this very quite tone to it today, a relaxed tenor. I was supposed to go out with Nikki tonight but our plans fell through so I’m sort of just hanging out around campus hoping to run into some people so I can get a little rest and entertainment on Shabbat. I may go to Sarah’s and just read poetry with her or something.

Tonight’s the first night of Sukkot and Hillel isn’t doing anything (had I known in advance Jordan was going away for the weekend I would have tried to organize something but it’s also possible he told me and it didn’t click) so I’m feeling sort of lonely and I really don’t feel like going out to a gay club or bar tonight (to what end?) I don’t really have any friends here in the Queer Community anymore, not through animosity just people take different paths in life.

I’m going to head over to Sarah’s…peace all.

~ Matan

You know what would be wonderful?

Subject: You know what would be wonderful?

Date: Thursday 10/5/06 3:01:00 AM

Mood: haiku-ish

If chickensoncrack would add me back on LJ. considering that the icon is of my second husband in my polygamous marriage (Christie, Rubber Chicken, Iwan, Cyclops, and there’s a few more in there).

Yes, I’m married to a rubber chicken.

He has a deep throat.

Maybe you would understand

If you read potter.

…Then again, maybe you won’t.

You know what would be wonderful?

Subject: You know what would be wonderful?

Date: Thursday 10/5/06 3:01:00 AM

Mood: haiku-ish

If chickensoncrack would add me back on LJ. considering that the icon is of my second husband in my polygamous marriage (Christie, Rubber Chicken, Iwan, Cyclops, and there’s a few more in there).

Yes, I’m married to a rubber chicken.

He has a deep throat.

Maybe you would understand

If you read potter.

…Then again, maybe you won’t.

Theme Song

Subject: Theme Song

Date: Sunday 10/1/06 6:53:00 PM

Artist: Joanna Pacitti Lyrics

Song: Watch Me Shine Lyrics

Ooh.. I’m not

You average type Of girl

I’m gonna show the world the strength in me

That sometimes they can’t see

I’m about to switch my style

And soon things may get wild

But I will prove that I can conquer anything

So from my head to toe I’m taking full control

I’ll make it on my own

This time

(Better watch me shine)

CHORUS:

Better watch out

Going for the knockout

And I won’t stop

Till I’m on top now

Not gonna give up

Until I get what’s mine

Better check that I’m about to upset

And I’m hot now

So you better step back

I’m taking over

So watch me shine

So Get ready

Here I come

Until the job is done

No time to waste

There’s nothing stopping me

Oh

But you don’t hear me though

So now it’s time to show

And prove I’m gonna be the best I can be

So from my head to toe

My mind body and soul

I’m taking full control

This time

CHORUS:

Better watch out

Going for the knockout

And I won’t stop

Till I’m on top now

Not gonna give up

Until I get what’s mine

Better check that I’m about to upset

And I’m hot now

So you better step back

I’m taking over

So watch me shine

BRIDGE:

Bet you don’t think I can take it

But my mind and body are strong

Bet you don’t think I can make it

It won’t take long

Bet you don’t think I can take it

But my mind and body are strong

Bet you don’t think I can make it

It won’t take long

Now watch me shine…

CHORUS:

Better watch out

Going for the knockout

And I won’t stop

Till I’m on top now

Not gonna give up

Until I get what’s mine

Better check that I’m about to upset

And I’m hot now

So you better step back

I’m taking over

So watch me shine

Now watch me shine…

CHORUS:

Better watch out

Going for the knockout

And I won’t stop

Till I’m on top now

Not gonna give up

Until I get what’s mine

(Until I get what’s mine…)

Better check that I’m about to upset

And I’m hot now

So you better step back

I’m taking over

So watch me shine

Watch me…

Watch me shine…

Watch me

It’s time to start fasting for those in New York City/Long Island; an easy fast to those who fast.

This week starts training, more on that later.

Theme Song

Subject: Theme Song

Date: Sunday 10/1/06 6:53:00 PM

Artist: Joanna Pacitti Lyrics

Song: Watch Me Shine Lyrics

Ooh.. I’m not

You average type Of girl

I’m gonna show the world the strength in me

That sometimes they can’t see

I’m about to switch my style

And soon things may get wild

But I will prove that I can conquer anything

So from my head to toe I’m taking full control

I’ll make it on my own

This time

(Better watch me shine)

CHORUS:

Better watch out

Going for the knockout

And I won’t stop

Till I’m on top now

Not gonna give up

Until I get what’s mine

Better check that I’m about to upset

And I’m hot now

So you better step back

I’m taking over

So watch me shine

So Get ready

Here I come

Until the job is done

No time to waste

There’s nothing stopping me

Oh

But you don’t hear me though

So now it’s time to show

And prove I’m gonna be the best I can be

So from my head to toe

My mind body and soul

I’m taking full control

This time

CHORUS:

Better watch out

Going for the knockout

And I won’t stop

Till I’m on top now

Not gonna give up

Until I get what’s mine

Better check that I’m about to upset

And I’m hot now

So you better step back

I’m taking over

So watch me shine

BRIDGE:

Bet you don’t think I can take it

But my mind and body are strong

Bet you don’t think I can make it

It won’t take long

Bet you don’t think I can take it

But my mind and body are strong

Bet you don’t think I can make it

It won’t take long

Now watch me shine…

CHORUS:

Better watch out

Going for the knockout

And I won’t stop

Till I’m on top now

Not gonna give up

Until I get what’s mine

Better check that I’m about to upset

And I’m hot now

So you better step back

I’m taking over

So watch me shine

Now watch me shine…

CHORUS:

Better watch out

Going for the knockout

And I won’t stop

Till I’m on top now

Not gonna give up

Until I get what’s mine

(Until I get what’s mine…)

Better check that I’m about to upset

And I’m hot now

So you better step back

I’m taking over

So watch me shine

Watch me…

Watch me shine…

Watch me

It’s time to start fasting for those in New York City/Long Island; an easy fast to those who fast.

This week starts training, more on that later.

My Father & Me

Subject: My Father & Me

Date: Sunday 10/1/06 4:25:00 AM

Friended, feel free to discuss here, just not outside of this LJ entry

There’s a Skate Park Being Built Behind My House

There’s a skate park being built behind my house…I know this because I started framing the half pipe with my Dad today (my younger brother’s a skate boarder, he’s good too). And as we spent four hours framing this (what will be) killer half pipe I used it to talk to my father; will we always have differences? Yes. But I believe that talking can fix almost everything, and when words won’t do, a hug will.

We spoke a good deal, in metaphor at times, as the two of us used power tools and saws and we got this thing ready (yes, I can frame a deck, remodel a basement, and drive heavy machinery…I’ve worked construction before…I also look really good in a tool belt =P) we got to deal with a lot of issues that both of us have been holding inside.

We are not dirt poor, my father just really sucks at communicating. This is a good thing (not the lack of communicating, the not being poor part).

And then I told him (and in a way, this is like coming out all over again) that I was emmigrating (‘Rising up’ or ‘Returning to’ as Eli reminds me) to Israel; and he asked me questions, and the first hour I explained to him why (an academic reason being that I want to be fluent in a language other than English before I get my graduate degree) and then finally I told him “I want to make Aliyeh” and he put down the saw and said “are you prepared to serve in the IDF?” and I looked at him and said “Yes, I will do what I have to do to achieve my happiness, and I would feel guilty if other Gay men who are weaker than I did it, and I did not.”

And he looked at me and said “then you’re prepared to do what I wasn’t, you know your Mother and I support you in whatever you choose…what’s your plan? To serv in the IDF, meet someone, and live there?” and I said “that’s rather accurate.”

My Father lived on a kibbutz for quite a few years, and he married his first wife there.

Of course, I think the first and the third are probably the easiest…it’s always hard to meet someone.

After four or so hours Mom and I went to the mall, where she bought me cologne (Aqua di Gio) and then we wennt to Target (attached to the mall) to get a few things that we need (I needed mini discs so I can get ready to do some field work, which I’ll talk about in another post) and I found the legally blonde movies in a box set, I got mom setup with arrested development and nip/tuck 1-2 and then I drove us to a little italian gelato dessert/bakery place we frequent with Shulamit and we sat, we talked, we cried.

“This is the only thing you’ve said that you want to do after you graduate that rings well in my ear” – Mom

My parents are strongly behind my decision, my Mom said it’s the only thing I said I wanted to do that feels right to her. She didn’t want me applying somewhere knowing I would be (socially, in my heart, unhappy). We discussed logistics and some spiritual things. I had some wonderful orange gelato. I promised that the first time she visits we can go to Egypt.

Balto

In the movie Balto, Balto brings this female dog who he’s attracted to, to the place that he stays, and she says “what a dump” and he says “no let me show you” and he shoves a bunch of glass together and the light hits it and it replicates the northern lights…later when balto is lost and trying to find his way home, the lady dog worrying about him, shoves the glass together and it lights up like a beacon so he could find his way home and he gets home safe.

This is why, in my Mother’s kitchen you’ll a lot of glass bottles in the window…so her puppies can find their way home. It’s hard for her to tell people, she starts crying too hard before she can explain it.

Lost can mean many things.

My Mom thinks I’m on the right path, and she’s happy. And she said “sometimes it may be dangerous” and I said “it’s dangerous here too, danger is everywhere…but happiness is not.”

Even the hosts of heaven are judged

We are entering Yom Kippur after the days of Awe, when even the hosts of heaven are judged and tremble before the lord saying ‘we have transgressed, we have transgressed’ and then Kol Nidrei, I’ve been waiting for this for so long.

An easy fast to all who fast.

– M

My Father & Me

Subject: My Father & Me

Date: Sunday 10/1/06 4:25:00 AM

Friended, feel free to discuss here, just not outside of this LJ entry

There’s a Skate Park Being Built Behind My House

There’s a skate park being built behind my house…I know this because I started framing the half pipe with my Dad today (my younger brother’s a skate boarder, he’s good too). And as we spent four hours framing this (what will be) killer half pipe I used it to talk to my father; will we always have differences? Yes. But I believe that talking can fix almost everything, and when words won’t do, a hug will.

We spoke a good deal, in metaphor at times, as the two of us used power tools and saws and we got this thing ready (yes, I can frame a deck, remodel a basement, and drive heavy machinery…I’ve worked construction before…I also look really good in a tool belt =P) we got to deal with a lot of issues that both of us have been holding inside.

We are not dirt poor, my father just really sucks at communicating. This is a good thing (not the lack of communicating, the not being poor part).

And then I told him (and in a way, this is like coming out all over again) that I was emmigrating (‘Rising up’ or ‘Returning to’ as Eli reminds me) to Israel; and he asked me questions, and the first hour I explained to him why (an academic reason being that I want to be fluent in a language other than English before I get my graduate degree) and then finally I told him “I want to make Aliyeh” and he put down the saw and said “are you prepared to serve in the IDF?” and I looked at him and said “Yes, I will do what I have to do to achieve my happiness, and I would feel guilty if other Gay men who are weaker than I did it, and I did not.”

And he looked at me and said “then you’re prepared to do what I wasn’t, you know your Mother and I support you in whatever you choose…what’s your plan? To serv in the IDF, meet someone, and live there?” and I said “that’s rather accurate.”

My Father lived on a kibbutz for quite a few years, and he married his first wife there.

Of course, I think the first and the third are probably the easiest…it’s always hard to meet someone.

After four or so hours Mom and I went to the mall, where she bought me cologne (Aqua di Gio) and then we wennt to Target (attached to the mall) to get a few things that we need (I needed mini discs so I can get ready to do some field work, which I’ll talk about in another post) and I found the legally blonde movies in a box set, I got mom setup with arrested development and nip/tuck 1-2 and then I drove us to a little italian gelato dessert/bakery place we frequent with Shulamit and we sat, we talked, we cried.

“This is the only thing you’ve said that you want to do after you graduate that rings well in my ear” – Mom

My parents are strongly behind my decision, my Mom said it’s the only thing I said I wanted to do that feels right to her. She didn’t want me applying somewhere knowing I would be (socially, in my heart, unhappy). We discussed logistics and some spiritual things. I had some wonderful orange gelato. I promised that the first time she visits we can go to Egypt.

Balto

In the movie Balto, Balto brings this female dog who he’s attracted to, to the place that he stays, and she says “what a dump” and he says “no let me show you” and he shoves a bunch of glass together and the light hits it and it replicates the northern lights…later when balto is lost and trying to find his way home, the lady dog worrying about him, shoves the glass together and it lights up like a beacon so he could find his way home and he gets home safe.

This is why, in my Mother’s kitchen you’ll a lot of glass bottles in the window…so her puppies can find their way home. It’s hard for her to tell people, she starts crying too hard before she can explain it.

Lost can mean many things.

My Mom thinks I’m on the right path, and she’s happy. And she said “sometimes it may be dangerous” and I said “it’s dangerous here too, danger is everywhere…but happiness is not.”

Even the hosts of heaven are judged

We are entering Yom Kippur after the days of Awe, when even the hosts of heaven are judged and tremble before the lord saying ‘we have transgressed, we have transgressed’ and then Kol Nidrei, I’ve been waiting for this for so long.

An easy fast to all who fast.

– M

A Conversation Between Brent & I

Subject: A Conversation Between Brent & I

Date: Sunday 10/1/06 12:30:00 AM

Tags: quotes: general

nomadmatan: btw, you look cute in goth clothes =P

nomadmatan: I’d have got done by you =P

“Brent”: since when am i a top? XP

nomadmatan: lol =P I can out bottom you any day of the week

“Brent”: well, yes, but that doesn’t make me a top

nomadmatan: lol

nomadmatan: I could totally get you to top

“Brent”: i don’t even know how to take that 😛

nomadmatan: lol, as a compliment dear, as a compliment

“Brent”: haha ok

A Conversation Between Brent & I

Subject: A Conversation Between Brent & I

Date: Sunday 10/1/06 12:30:00 AM

Tags: quotes: general

nomadmatan: btw, you look cute in goth clothes =P

nomadmatan: I’d have got done by you =P

“Brent”: since when am i a top? XP

nomadmatan: lol =P I can out bottom you any day of the week

“Brent”: well, yes, but that doesn’t make me a top

nomadmatan: lol

nomadmatan: I could totally get you to top

“Brent”: i don’t even know how to take that 😛

nomadmatan: lol, as a compliment dear, as a compliment

“Brent”: haha ok