October 2006

Halloween Weekend 2006 Wrap Up Post

moocowinthecity 2006-10-30 No Comments

Subject: Halloween Weekend 2006 Wrap Up Post

Date: Monday 10/30/06 1:40:00 AM

Music: Real Good Man-Tim McGraw-Tim McGraw and The Dancehall Doctors

Buffalo Chips

The night started off at the Buffalo Chips’ (UB’s all male vocal group) House. When we got there we were some of the first there (they had their dauschand in a hot dog costume…it was possibly one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen) and so we’re walking around, having some beer when all of a sudden it’s like the entire Gay Contingent and their Fag Hag Supporters from the Linguistics Department show up which was really kind of funny because the party just got…well, Gay. We outnumbered folks there 2:1 for a while. My department’s Gay…very, very Gay…actually, our colors should probably just be rainbow…I’m pretty sure that we have the theatre, musical theatre and dance departments beat, hands down (and not that I’m biased or anything, but I’m pretty sure that we’re hotter too…just saying…).

Even when talking to Paauw this past week about the research I’ll be doing in Buffalo on Queer Speak he was telling me about the leading researcher in Toronto and seemed sort of bewildered given how many Gay Men are in Linguistics that this hasn’t been something of major study sooner (it’s only been studied recently within and over the past five years).

So me, Dana and Cat (who I went partying with) challenged them to a game of Flip Cup where I was the D.D. (Designated Drunk) for our D.D. (Designated Driver) during Flip Cup so Cat played and I drank for her (a fair arrangement if I do say so myself)…and it all worked out great. Cat is the reason why I had a costume, she managed to make greek letters out of duct tape (yes, I went as a straight Frat Brother from Kappa Omega Kappa…I failed at the straight part though, so then I was just a KOK Brother).

See…University teaches you important skills…like how to be creative with duct tape.

Anyways, we then ran into Scott, a muscular (holy christ, his back was cut…I mean he had abs…but his back was solid) straight friend of Cats…we dragged him into the car with Dana, Cat and myself and headed down to club Diablo expecting to encounter a rocking party…right, I mean, it’s a club…named Diablo…who’s theme and logos are all based on Demons…there’s skulls hanging from the ceiling, red parlor chairs, a masochists paradise…

Club Diablo

Get to club Diablo and we couldn’t have been more disappointed, no DJ, barely any music playing…barely anyone drinking (not that you have to drink to have a good time, but with no music, no dancing, no booze, no talking…it’s just people standing around doing nothing in a room).

We were like screw this, if we’re paying cover we’re going to a real dance club…so we went up to the bouncer, had him give us our cash back since he’s friends with Dana it wasn’t too much trouble (the only reason we went there in the first place was because we figured since he and Dana were friends we could get in without cover charge…we were wrong) so we made our way through Downtown Buffalo to Club Marcella

Club Marcella

The place was packed and kicking.

We made our way to the dance floor and just did our thing when this kid (I think his name is Nate…he’s a gogo dancer on the pole at the front bar every two or so weeks) who I knew from at least a year ago when he was dating his last boyfriend came up to me on his break and started dancing with me and I was like “hey, I haven’t seen you since pride” and he’s like “yeah I broke up with my boyfriend” and I was like “that’s too bad” so we’re dancing and he spins around and I notice that “Top” is tattooed on his back in this vampire-goth-techno-esque font, and I give him this look and go “Since when” and he’s like “since always” so I told him “show me what you got” at which point I was shoved up against one of the mirror pillars, and we made out while I felt up has abs as his knee found it’s way to my…well you get the point…he was also just tall enough, to be taller than me, but not too tall that I couldn’t put my chin on his shoulder when we were grinding.

We made out on and off all night, and I made out with a few other people when I wasn’t making out with him, it was fun…and surprisingly drama free. Sort of a “we’re just making out, feel free to go make out with someone else when you get bored, there’ll be another guy in about two seconds” kind of deal. None of the “ZOMG! he kissed someone else, cheater!zomg!11!OneIjustmetyouandthoughtwedbetogetherforever” bullshit.

LoN (my friend who does the lightning/assistant dj-ing, what have you) got them to play Love Dominates by Dynamix so that was cool (it’s my favorite song, (S)aint comes in a close second though). And of course I got to see Pete (who swears he’s going to hang out with me sometime this week..) my favorite straight (but don’t tell his last girlfriend, ’cause he told her he was gay to get out of the relationship…yeah, he’s a big, muscular, wuss…that’s right Pete, you heard me…wuss) bartender. I went up to him and was like “so…um…come out of the closet Pete?” and I raised a brow and he was like “No…” and then sheepishly “I just wanted to break up with my girlfriend” and I was like “you didn’t really think that one through did you…oh well, as long as I get to ride the ride first when you’re ready to experiment.”

The rest of the night was the usual amount of debauchery. Later in the night, Scott (the straight guy we dragged along with us) loosened up a bit and ‘danced’ with me…it was…um, it was interesting…I haven’t gone to many straight dance clubs, I’ve been to straight bars…but if this was any indicator of how straight people dance…I’m sorry…actually, I told him earlier in the night that he needed to move his hips and come in close because dancing was the vertical expression of a horizontal desire…and if his horizontal desire was anything like how he danced…he’s doing it like a monkey in bed…or something…possibly using vines…or maybe he has tree branches in his bedroom that he can swing from or something…

I also ran into some friends who I haven’t seen in a long time (brandinsbabe), Felipe, and a few others.

But in all it was a really fun, really positive weekend experience.

I might have a reckless streak, at least a country mile wide, if you’re gunna run with me it’s gunna be a wild ride. When it comes to loving you I’ve got velvet hands, I’ll show you how a real bad boy, can be a real good man.” – Tim McGraw

So Monday’s game plan is as follows:

Class from 11a-12p

Coffee with stoicdaydreamer at 2pm

Back to the Apartment at around 4pm, vacuum, finish cleaning (the place is looking spiffy)

1 Hour of Pilates

2 Hours of Arabic Practice (our Mid-Term is soon…on the 7th)

Finish Research Proposal for Paauw’s class so I can start doing the fieldwork (which I’ll talk about tomorrow after I’ve written the proposal)…oh, I have to call the researcher at University of Toronto to see if he’ll meet with me.

St. Rose

My friend Jackie (iolausian) is applying for her second graduate degree (she already has her B.A. and her Masters) to St. Rose…I know she’s going to get in, but everyone keep your fingers crossed…when she gets in (and we expect to hear really soon) there will be champagne, and much rejoicing.

I do have a bunch of other things I want to write about (stuff that happened this weekend, semi-deep thoughts, thoughts that aren’t deep at all…actually, one might even call them shallow…) but that’ll have to come later, I’m falling asleep which means it’s time for me to head to bed.

G’night all.

– Matan

Halloween Weekend 2006 Wrap Up Post

moocowinthecity 2006-10-30 No Comments

Subject: Halloween Weekend 2006 Wrap Up Post

Date: Monday 10/30/06 1:40:00 AM

Music: Real Good Man-Tim McGraw-Tim McGraw and The Dancehall Doctors

Buffalo Chips

The night started off at the Buffalo Chips’ (UB’s all male vocal group) House. When we got there we were some of the first there (they had their dauschand in a hot dog costume…it was possibly one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen) and so we’re walking around, having some beer when all of a sudden it’s like the entire Gay Contingent and their Fag Hag Supporters from the Linguistics Department show up which was really kind of funny because the party just got…well, Gay. We outnumbered folks there 2:1 for a while. My department’s Gay…very, very Gay…actually, our colors should probably just be rainbow…I’m pretty sure that we have the theatre, musical theatre and dance departments beat, hands down (and not that I’m biased or anything, but I’m pretty sure that we’re hotter too…just saying…).

Even when talking to Paauw this past week about the research I’ll be doing in Buffalo on Queer Speak he was telling me about the leading researcher in Toronto and seemed sort of bewildered given how many Gay Men are in Linguistics that this hasn’t been something of major study sooner (it’s only been studied recently within and over the past five years).

So me, Dana and Cat (who I went partying with) challenged them to a game of Flip Cup where I was the D.D. (Designated Drunk) for our D.D. (Designated Driver) during Flip Cup so Cat played and I drank for her (a fair arrangement if I do say so myself)…and it all worked out great. Cat is the reason why I had a costume, she managed to make greek letters out of duct tape (yes, I went as a straight Frat Brother from Kappa Omega Kappa…I failed at the straight part though, so then I was just a KOK Brother).

See…University teaches you important skills…like how to be creative with duct tape.

Anyways, we then ran into Scott, a muscular (holy christ, his back was cut…I mean he had abs…but his back was solid) straight friend of Cats…we dragged him into the car with Dana, Cat and myself and headed down to club Diablo expecting to encounter a rocking party…right, I mean, it’s a club…named Diablo…who’s theme and logos are all based on Demons…there’s skulls hanging from the ceiling, red parlor chairs, a masochists paradise…

Club Diablo

Get to club Diablo and we couldn’t have been more disappointed, no DJ, barely any music playing…barely anyone drinking (not that you have to drink to have a good time, but with no music, no dancing, no booze, no talking…it’s just people standing around doing nothing in a room).

We were like screw this, if we’re paying cover we’re going to a real dance club…so we went up to the bouncer, had him give us our cash back since he’s friends with Dana it wasn’t too much trouble (the only reason we went there in the first place was because we figured since he and Dana were friends we could get in without cover charge…we were wrong) so we made our way through Downtown Buffalo to Club Marcella

Club Marcella

The place was packed and kicking.

We made our way to the dance floor and just did our thing when this kid (I think his name is Nate…he’s a gogo dancer on the pole at the front bar every two or so weeks) who I knew from at least a year ago when he was dating his last boyfriend came up to me on his break and started dancing with me and I was like “hey, I haven’t seen you since pride” and he’s like “yeah I broke up with my boyfriend” and I was like “that’s too bad” so we’re dancing and he spins around and I notice that “Top” is tattooed on his back in this vampire-goth-techno-esque font, and I give him this look and go “Since when” and he’s like “since always” so I told him “show me what you got” at which point I was shoved up against one of the mirror pillars, and we made out while I felt up has abs as his knee found it’s way to my…well you get the point…he was also just tall enough, to be taller than me, but not too tall that I couldn’t put my chin on his shoulder when we were grinding.

We made out on and off all night, and I made out with a few other people when I wasn’t making out with him, it was fun…and surprisingly drama free. Sort of a “we’re just making out, feel free to go make out with someone else when you get bored, there’ll be another guy in about two seconds” kind of deal. None of the “ZOMG! he kissed someone else, cheater!zomg!11!OneIjustmetyouandthoughtwedbetogetherforever” bullshit.

LoN (my friend who does the lightning/assistant dj-ing, what have you) got them to play Love Dominates by Dynamix so that was cool (it’s my favorite song, (S)aint comes in a close second though). And of course I got to see Pete (who swears he’s going to hang out with me sometime this week..) my favorite straight (but don’t tell his last girlfriend, ’cause he told her he was gay to get out of the relationship…yeah, he’s a big, muscular, wuss…that’s right Pete, you heard me…wuss) bartender. I went up to him and was like “so…um…come out of the closet Pete?” and I raised a brow and he was like “No…” and then sheepishly “I just wanted to break up with my girlfriend” and I was like “you didn’t really think that one through did you…oh well, as long as I get to ride the ride first when you’re ready to experiment.”

The rest of the night was the usual amount of debauchery. Later in the night, Scott (the straight guy we dragged along with us) loosened up a bit and ‘danced’ with me…it was…um, it was interesting…I haven’t gone to many straight dance clubs, I’ve been to straight bars…but if this was any indicator of how straight people dance…I’m sorry…actually, I told him earlier in the night that he needed to move his hips and come in close because dancing was the vertical expression of a horizontal desire…and if his horizontal desire was anything like how he danced…he’s doing it like a monkey in bed…or something…possibly using vines…or maybe he has tree branches in his bedroom that he can swing from or something…

I also ran into some friends who I haven’t seen in a long time (brandinsbabe), Felipe, and a few others.

But in all it was a really fun, really positive weekend experience.

I might have a reckless streak, at least a country mile wide, if you’re gunna run with me it’s gunna be a wild ride. When it comes to loving you I’ve got velvet hands, I’ll show you how a real bad boy, can be a real good man.” – Tim McGraw

So Monday’s game plan is as follows:

Class from 11a-12p

Coffee with stoicdaydreamer at 2pm

Back to the Apartment at around 4pm, vacuum, finish cleaning (the place is looking spiffy)

1 Hour of Pilates

2 Hours of Arabic Practice (our Mid-Term is soon…on the 7th)

Finish Research Proposal for Paauw’s class so I can start doing the fieldwork (which I’ll talk about tomorrow after I’ve written the proposal)…oh, I have to call the researcher at University of Toronto to see if he’ll meet with me.

St. Rose

My friend Jackie (iolausian) is applying for her second graduate degree (she already has her B.A. and her Masters) to St. Rose…I know she’s going to get in, but everyone keep your fingers crossed…when she gets in (and we expect to hear really soon) there will be champagne, and much rejoicing.

I do have a bunch of other things I want to write about (stuff that happened this weekend, semi-deep thoughts, thoughts that aren’t deep at all…actually, one might even call them shallow…) but that’ll have to come later, I’m falling asleep which means it’s time for me to head to bed.

G’night all.

– Matan

Halloween Weekend 2006

moocowinthecity 2006-10-29 No Comments

Subject: Halloween Weekend 2006

Date: Sunday 10/29/06 8:05:00 PM

Music: Yeah-Usher Feat. Lil’ Jon and Ludac-Yeah (Promo CDS)

Buffalo Chips

The night started off at the Buffalo Chips’ (UB’s all male vocal group) House. When we got there we were some of the first there (they had their dauschand in a hot dog costume…it was possibly one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen) and so we’re walking around, having some beer when all of a sudden it’s like the entire Gay Contingent and their Fag Hag Supporters from the Linguistics Department show up which was really kind of funny because the party just got…well, Gay. We outnumbered folks there 2:1 for a while. My department’s Gay…very, very Gay…actually, our colors should probably just be rainbow.

Even when talking to Paauw this past week about research I’ll be doing in Buffalo on Queer Speak he was telling me about the leading researcher in Toronto and seemed sort of bewildered given how many Gay Men are in Linguistics that this hasn’t been something of major study (it’s only been studied recently within the past five years)

So me, Dana and Cat (who I went partying with) challenged them to a game of Flip Cup where I was the D.D. (Designated Drunk) for our D.D. (Designated Driver) during Flip Cup so Cat played and I drank for her (a fair arrangement if I do say so myself)…and it all worked out great. Cat is the reason why I had a costume, she managed to make greek letters out of duct tape…

See…University teaches you important skills.

Anyways, we then ran into Scott, a muscular (holy christ, his back was cut…I mean he had abs…but his back was solid) straight friend of Cats…we dragged him into the car with Dana, Cat and myself and headed down to club Diablo expecting to encounter a rocking party.

Club Diablo

Get to club Diablo and we couldn’t have been more disappointed, no DJ, barely any music playing…barely anyone drinking…actually, they were mostly just standing around looking bored and we were like screw this, if we’re paying cover we’re going to a dance club…so we went up to the bouncer, had him give us our cash back since he’s friends with Dana it wasn’t too much trouble (the only reason we went there in the first place was because we figured since he and Dana were friends we could get in without cover charge…we were wrong) so we made our way through Downtown Buffalo to Club Marcella

Club Marcella

The place was packed and kicking. We made our way to the dance floor and just did our thing when this kid (I think his name is Nate…he’s a gogo dancer on the pole at the front bar like every two weeks) who I knew from at least a year ago when he was dating his last boyfriend came up to me and started dancing and I was like “hey, I haven’t seen you since pride” and he’s like “yeah I broke up with my boyfriend” and I was like “that’s too bad” so we’re dancing and he spins around and I notice that “Top” is tattooed on his back and I give him this look and go “Since when” and he’s like “since always” so I told him “show me what you got” at which point I was shoved up against one of the mirror pillars, and we made out while I felt up has abs and…other organs…later that night we progressed to a corner of the club and did what boys do best.

LoN (my friend who does the lightning/assistant dj-ing, what have you) got them to play Love Dominates by Dynamix so that was cool.

The rest of the night was the usual amount of debauchery, dancing, grinding, making out with a few guys (some good…some guys absolutely awful – like hardcore suckage – but making out none the less). Later in the night, Scott (the straight guy we dragged along with us) loosened up and…’danced’ with me (apparently he asked Dana where I went because I called him a wuss earlier in the night and he wanted to prove to me that he could dance)…it was…interesting.

I also ran into some friends who I haven’t seen in a long time (brandinsbabe), Felipe, LoN, Pete. All in all a fun time was had…oh, about that research.

Monday’s Game Plan

Game Plan in General

I’ve been in the process of making more positive eating changes in my life; and it’s paying off

Halloween Weekend 2006

moocowinthecity 2006-10-29 No Comments

Subject: Halloween Weekend 2006

Date: Sunday 10/29/06 8:05:00 PM

Music: Yeah-Usher Feat. Lil’ Jon and Ludac-Yeah (Promo CDS)

Buffalo Chips

The night started off at the Buffalo Chips’ (UB’s all male vocal group) House. When we got there we were some of the first there (they had their dauschand in a hot dog costume…it was possibly one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen) and so we’re walking around, having some beer when all of a sudden it’s like the entire Gay Contingent and their Fag Hag Supporters from the Linguistics Department show up which was really kind of funny because the party just got…well, Gay. We outnumbered folks there 2:1 for a while. My department’s Gay…very, very Gay…actually, our colors should probably just be rainbow.

Even when talking to Paauw this past week about research I’ll be doing in Buffalo on Queer Speak he was telling me about the leading researcher in Toronto and seemed sort of bewildered given how many Gay Men are in Linguistics that this hasn’t been something of major study (it’s only been studied recently within the past five years)

So me, Dana and Cat (who I went partying with) challenged them to a game of Flip Cup where I was the D.D. (Designated Drunk) for our D.D. (Designated Driver) during Flip Cup so Cat played and I drank for her (a fair arrangement if I do say so myself)…and it all worked out great. Cat is the reason why I had a costume, she managed to make greek letters out of duct tape…

See…University teaches you important skills.

Anyways, we then ran into Scott, a muscular (holy christ, his back was cut…I mean he had abs…but his back was solid) straight friend of Cats…we dragged him into the car with Dana, Cat and myself and headed down to club Diablo expecting to encounter a rocking party.

Club Diablo

Get to club Diablo and we couldn’t have been more disappointed, no DJ, barely any music playing…barely anyone drinking…actually, they were mostly just standing around looking bored and we were like screw this, if we’re paying cover we’re going to a dance club…so we went up to the bouncer, had him give us our cash back since he’s friends with Dana it wasn’t too much trouble (the only reason we went there in the first place was because we figured since he and Dana were friends we could get in without cover charge…we were wrong) so we made our way through Downtown Buffalo to Club Marcella

Club Marcella

The place was packed and kicking. We made our way to the dance floor and just did our thing when this kid (I think his name is Nate…he’s a gogo dancer on the pole at the front bar like every two weeks) who I knew from at least a year ago when he was dating his last boyfriend came up to me and started dancing and I was like “hey, I haven’t seen you since pride” and he’s like “yeah I broke up with my boyfriend” and I was like “that’s too bad” so we’re dancing and he spins around and I notice that “Top” is tattooed on his back and I give him this look and go “Since when” and he’s like “since always” so I told him “show me what you got” at which point I was shoved up against one of the mirror pillars, and we made out while I felt up has abs and…other organs…later that night we progressed to a corner of the club and did what boys do best.

LoN (my friend who does the lightning/assistant dj-ing, what have you) got them to play Love Dominates by Dynamix so that was cool.

The rest of the night was the usual amount of debauchery, dancing, grinding, making out with a few guys (some good…some guys absolutely awful – like hardcore suckage – but making out none the less). Later in the night, Scott (the straight guy we dragged along with us) loosened up and…’danced’ with me (apparently he asked Dana where I went because I called him a wuss earlier in the night and he wanted to prove to me that he could dance)…it was…interesting.

I also ran into some friends who I haven’t seen in a long time (brandinsbabe), Felipe, LoN, Pete. All in all a fun time was had…oh, about that research.

Monday’s Game Plan

Game Plan in General

I’ve been in the process of making more positive eating changes in my life; and it’s paying off

Dance of Demons

moocowinthecity 2006-10-27 No Comments

Subject: Dance of Demons

Date: Friday 10/27/06 11:18:00 PM

Tags: writings: poetry

Dance of Demons

Matan Ar’ye Schwartz

As the lights grow dim, good little boys head home to lay their head on their strong boyfriends chest as they feel safe behind white picket fences/getting up each morning just so they can exist: pay the rent so they can have a place to sleep before they get up to work again, a process with no end in sight.

Walking with a purpose and on a mission, my coat billows in the wind as this crimson sky – so forboading, indiciates terror ahead and terror behind and a voice inside of me is saying “don’t you think you should be in bed/don’t you want to be innocent” and I say to myself “I’d rather be jaded, than naive” and the doubt creeps inside my head “what if he doesn’t show up, what if you walk the streets, alone again tonight…what if everone’s right and you’ll never make it” and I push the thoughts out of my head. If he has a problem with it, then fuck it and fuck him we’re doing this once and for all tonight:either way he’s going to have to make a choice.

Hookers, thieves and drug addicts with lines down their arms looking for a fix/cocaine being snorted from the bathroom counters and lewd acts of humanity being performed in the stalls/skulls and bones hanging from the ceiling…a tasteful decorating job and it seems that everyone’s out tonight as I see the latest in whips and chains being demonstrated by the Dominatrix on her husband, suspended in the cage in the corner in this straight bastion/this heterosexual corner of safety, the last place someone would think is a ‘safe place’ as screams fill the night and the D.J. cues up the nights fare.

People who are new to this hole-in-the-wall club look at me like I don’t fit in and they sneer because I’m in jeans, cute sneakers and a smart shirt with a witty saying looking rather gay…preppy even, as men who haunt children under their beds and are the guys that go bump in the night come up to me with earings and bullrings, top hats and tattoos and as the new club goers are expecting a fight all they hear are “hey how you doing?” and I respond “Doing well, oh you look cute, is that a new tattoo?” as these straight men flex for me and the new club goers just don’t know how to respond as I make the rounds and take out a ciggarette and three guys reach into give me a light/one comes up behind and rubs my shoulders and says “I love you…you know in a straight way…” and I grin and say “I know” expecting to be loved in a Gay way later tonight by someone else if all goes right and expecting to find some loving if it doesn’t.

A side of me that even my closest of friends haven’t seen…at a hideaway I run to, when I just need to get away from everyone who knows me outside of these few walls of this club where demons dance and angels tread with care as people remember their carnal history, but this night is different:this night I made a phone call and invited someone to meet me in this sixth layer of hell/a lover and an even older enemy. As I wait for him to arrive, I order my usual Guinness and reflect back to when I was a child and my friends parents would tell their children to behave and they turn to me and say “play safe” and I would reply “always.”

You can paint over a zebra with white paint but it doesn’t mean you’ve removed his stripes:there’s plenty of stripes on my body to remind me of poor choices made and there’s plenty of scars to remind me of my past life/who I was and who I used to be and who I am tonight and who I hope to be if I’m alive when the sun rises tomorrow while dawn paints the sky with her rose red finger tips and the charriot of fire comes to life, because you never know what might happen in the next few seconds of life:live each moment as if it’s your last chance and dance as if no one’s watching/move your body like it’s the last time you’re ever going to feel another human brushing up against your skin and kiss like it’s your first time and like it’s your last and drink from the cup of life for in wine is truth.

Breaking my reflective introspection I see you enter as the bouncer stands up and isn’ t nearly as tall as you as he takes your cash – you with your six foot four frame and faithful fifth limb in perfect proportion waiting to rise. Wearing a long black coat, and aviators with a tight black wife beater underneath your duster and jeans packing enough heat to raise some hell tonight, you catch my eye and I remain seated on these couches which once belonged in a parlor in a brothel that was run by a woman of the night/a mistress of respect, I cross my legs and let you approach me…defiance and anger in my eyes/going against the natural order of things.

Lights flashing behind you:music playing as demons dance in gogo cages:my heartrate quickens:you’ve been working out as you shed your second skin I see the definition in your tanned shoulders and your arms and your six pack attempting to escape from the wifebeater you’ve got on and I’m ready to get on and get off as I look at your jeans flaring out at the bottom with a thick black leather belt circling your waist looking at myself in the reflection of the aviators you’re sporting as you reach down and lift me by my chin and force me to stand to greet you as you grab my mouth, bend down to my five foot five frame and insert your tongue and lock lips with me:the air escapes and I can’t breathe as drugs that can’t be manufactured outside of the human body come rushing through me as you shove me down on the couch and come down with a crash: straddling me/pinning my shoulders back with your massive arms as your crotch holds my lap down steadily.

Looking around at the clientelle you’re not normally used to seeing at the club you run, you question “why here” and I look up at you and reply “I wanted to do this without the judgement of wandering eyes” and you say to me “shut up bitch and listen” – apparently your feeling more dominant than usual tonight, so I close my mouth to give you a chance to speak and you lean in and whisper “I’m sorry…come back home with me…I’ll love you like the first time we met, I’ll feel you like I’ve never felt you before and I’ll fuck you until your eyes roll back into your head and I promise I’ll be faithful…never again, God…neer again…I’ve never been this alone before…”

I can feel myself beginning to rise as I smell the vodka he pregamed on and the Marlboro lights on his breathe and the stubble rubbing up against my cheek and I try to shift around to handle my package and adjust my position, but you shove me down harder and don’t let me move, and I can see a stream of tears running down from the corner of your eyes/now understanding why you’re wearing the aviators you’ve donned tonight; and I should have listened to my personal trainer and went for muscle instead of thin: and I can see you getting tense as you look at me through mirrored glasses because tonight’s going to be the end and it’s going to be a beginning.

We hold this stare as the world moves around without us as we’ve transplanted ourselves into this locked position of domminace and submission but without anyone knowing who’s actually in control of this situation; and out of the corner of my eye I see my friend the bouncer about to move in to what he thinks is a hostile situation between a stranger and I hear “do you promise to never leave me again” escape from mouth as my heart is finally getting to speak and shutting the logical side of my brain out and as the tears hit the stubble of his cheek and I can smell his cologne rising off the heat of his defined/shaved chest he manages to get out “Yes” as he lifts me into an embrace off the ground and within his arms I’ve once again found home, as we dance the hours away we make our way to our car as the sun begins to rise over this industrial wasteland of a city and as dawn breaks I know…

I’m alive.

Dance of Demons

moocowinthecity 2006-10-27 No Comments

Subject: Dance of Demons

Date: Friday 10/27/06 11:18:00 PM

Tags: writings: poetry

Dance of Demons

Matan Ar’ye Schwartz

As the lights grow dim, good little boys head home to lay their head on their strong boyfriends chest as they feel safe behind white picket fences/getting up each morning just so they can exist: pay the rent so they can have a place to sleep before they get up to work again, a process with no end in sight.

Walking with a purpose and on a mission, my coat billows in the wind as this crimson sky – so forboading, indiciates terror ahead and terror behind and a voice inside of me is saying “don’t you think you should be in bed/don’t you want to be innocent” and I say to myself “I’d rather be jaded, than naive” and the doubt creeps inside my head “what if he doesn’t show up, what if you walk the streets, alone again tonight…what if everone’s right and you’ll never make it” and I push the thoughts out of my head. If he has a problem with it, then fuck it and fuck him we’re doing this once and for all tonight:either way he’s going to have to make a choice.

Hookers, thieves and drug addicts with lines down their arms looking for a fix/cocaine being snorted from the bathroom counters and lewd acts of humanity being performed in the stalls/skulls and bones hanging from the ceiling…a tasteful decorating job and it seems that everyone’s out tonight as I see the latest in whips and chains being demonstrated by the Dominatrix on her husband, suspended in the cage in the corner in this straight bastion/this heterosexual corner of safety, the last place someone would think is a ‘safe place’ as screams fill the night and the D.J. cues up the nights fare.

People who are new to this hole-in-the-wall club look at me like I don’t fit in and they sneer because I’m in jeans, cute sneakers and a smart shirt with a witty saying looking rather gay…preppy even, as men who haunt children under their beds and are the guys that go bump in the night come up to me with earings and bullrings, top hats and tattoos and as the new club goers are expecting a fight all they hear are “hey how you doing?” and I respond “Doing well, oh you look cute, is that a new tattoo?” as these straight men flex for me and the new club goers just don’t know how to respond as I make the rounds and take out a ciggarette and three guys reach into give me a light/one comes up behind and rubs my shoulders and says “I love you…you know in a straight way…” and I grin and say “I know” expecting to be loved in a Gay way later tonight by someone else if all goes right and expecting to find some loving if it doesn’t.

A side of me that even my closest of friends haven’t seen…at a hideaway I run to, when I just need to get away from everyone who knows me outside of these few walls of this club where demons dance and angels tread with care as people remember their carnal history, but this night is different:this night I made a phone call and invited someone to meet me in this sixth layer of hell/a lover and an even older enemy. As I wait for him to arrive, I order my usual Guinness and reflect back to when I was a child and my friends parents would tell their children to behave and they turn to me and say “play safe” and I would reply “always.”

You can paint over a zebra with white paint but it doesn’t mean you’ve removed his stripes:there’s plenty of stripes on my body to remind me of poor choices made and there’s plenty of scars to remind me of my past life/who I was and who I used to be and who I am tonight and who I hope to be if I’m alive when the sun rises tomorrow while dawn paints the sky with her rose red finger tips and the charriot of fire comes to life, because you never know what might happen in the next few seconds of life:live each moment as if it’s your last chance and dance as if no one’s watching/move your body like it’s the last time you’re ever going to feel another human brushing up against your skin and kiss like it’s your first time and like it’s your last and drink from the cup of life for in wine is truth.

Breaking my reflective introspection I see you enter as the bouncer stands up and isn’ t nearly as tall as you as he takes your cash – you with your six foot four frame and faithful fifth limb in perfect proportion waiting to rise. Wearing a long black coat, and aviators with a tight black wife beater underneath your duster and jeans packing enough heat to raise some hell tonight, you catch my eye and I remain seated on these couches which once belonged in a parlor in a brothel that was run by a woman of the night/a mistress of respect, I cross my legs and let you approach me…defiance and anger in my eyes/going against the natural order of things.

Lights flashing behind you:music playing as demons dance in gogo cages:my heartrate quickens:you’ve been working out as you shed your second skin I see the definition in your tanned shoulders and your arms and your six pack attempting to escape from the wifebeater you’ve got on and I’m ready to get on and get off as I look at your jeans flaring out at the bottom with a thick black leather belt circling your waist looking at myself in the reflection of the aviators you’re sporting as you reach down and lift me by my chin and force me to stand to greet you as you grab my mouth, bend down to my five foot five frame and insert your tongue and lock lips with me:the air escapes and I can’t breathe as drugs that can’t be manufactured outside of the human body come rushing through me as you shove me down on the couch and come down with a crash: straddling me/pinning my shoulders back with your massive arms as your crotch holds my lap down steadily.

Looking around at the clientelle you’re not normally used to seeing at the club you run, you question “why here” and I look up at you and reply “I wanted to do this without the judgement of wandering eyes” and you say to me “shut up bitch and listen” – apparently your feeling more dominant than usual tonight, so I close my mouth to give you a chance to speak and you lean in and whisper “I’m sorry…come back home with me…I’ll love you like the first time we met, I’ll feel you like I’ve never felt you before and I’ll fuck you until your eyes roll back into your head and I promise I’ll be faithful…never again, God…neer again…I’ve never been this alone before…”

I can feel myself beginning to rise as I smell the vodka he pregamed on and the Marlboro lights on his breathe and the stubble rubbing up against my cheek and I try to shift around to handle my package and adjust my position, but you shove me down harder and don’t let me move, and I can see a stream of tears running down from the corner of your eyes/now understanding why you’re wearing the aviators you’ve donned tonight; and I should have listened to my personal trainer and went for muscle instead of thin: and I can see you getting tense as you look at me through mirrored glasses because tonight’s going to be the end and it’s going to be a beginning.

We hold this stare as the world moves around without us as we’ve transplanted ourselves into this locked position of domminace and submission but without anyone knowing who’s actually in control of this situation; and out of the corner of my eye I see my friend the bouncer about to move in to what he thinks is a hostile situation between a stranger and I hear “do you promise to never leave me again” escape from mouth as my heart is finally getting to speak and shutting the logical side of my brain out and as the tears hit the stubble of his cheek and I can smell his cologne rising off the heat of his defined/shaved chest he manages to get out “Yes” as he lifts me into an embrace off the ground and within his arms I’ve once again found home, as we dance the hours away we make our way to our car as the sun begins to rise over this industrial wasteland of a city and as dawn breaks I know…

I’m alive.

*face palms*

moocowinthecity 2006-10-27 No Comments

Subject: *face palms*

Date: Friday 10/27/06 10:20:00 PM

nomadmatan (10:12:37 PM): hey hey sexu

nomadmatan (10:12:40 PM): *sexy

nomadmatan (10:12:40 PM): lol

nomadmatan (10:12:43 PM): well I fucked that one up

“Rob!” (10:12:43 PM): hi

“Rob!” (10:12:47 PM): its not rob

nomadmatan (10:12:50 PM): ah

nomadmatan (10:12:57 PM): lol, well you still have the potential to be sexy

nomadmatan (10:13:01 PM): so howdy stranger

“Rob!” (10:13:01 PM): haha i do

“Rob!” (10:13:11 PM): its caryn, his girlfriend, i could get him if you want

nomadmatan (10:13:15 PM): haha no it’s all god

nomadmatan (10:13:17 PM): *good

nomadmatan (10:13:20 PM): just tell him gay matt was hitting on him

nomadmatan (10:13:21 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:13:30 PM): matt schwartz?

nomadmatan (10:13:33 PM): indeed

nomadmatan (10:13:34 PM): the one and only

“Rob!” (10:13:36 PM): i know you

nomadmatan (10:13:44 PM): lol sweet deal =)

nomadmatan (10:13:50 PM): I’m really bad with names =(

nomadmatan (10:13:53 PM): I’m only good with faces

“Rob!” (10:14:07 PM): no youre not

“Rob!” (10:14:09 PM): i always see you!

“Rob!” (10:14:11 PM): u never say hi!

nomadmatan (10:14:21 PM): awe, lol I’m sorry!

nomadmatan (10:14:30 PM): I walk around in a daze alot though

nomadmatan (10:14:31 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:14:49 PM): my best friend once drove you home from the airport

nomadmatan (10:14:57 PM): dude!

nomadmatan (10:15:01 PM): she was supposed to face book me

nomadmatan (10:15:02 PM): and never did

“Rob!” (10:15:05 PM): lol

nomadmatan (10:15:07 PM): and I couldn’t find her on face book

“Rob!” (10:15:10 PM): me and her see you every thursday

nomadmatan (10:15:13 PM): ’cause we were gunna create a group

nomadmatan (10:15:20 PM): really?

“Rob!” (10:15:24 PM): yeup

“Rob!” (10:15:27 PM): you have class in clemens

nomadmatan (10:15:27 PM): god, I really need to start paying more attention to my surroundings

“Rob!” (10:15:31 PM): yea

nomadmatan (10:15:32 PM): lol indeed I do

nomadmatan (10:15:36 PM): next time smack me and say hi!

“Rob!” (10:15:36 PM): we were offended

nomadmatan (10:15:58 PM): I apollogize! I’m just normally in a daze…even rob (who I’ve had a crush on) normally needs to alert me to his presence.

“Rob!” (10:16:13 PM): and like gay men love me so ultimatley i was surprised you werent imideatley drawn to me

“Rob!” (10:16:14 PM): hahaha

“Rob!” (10:16:18 PM): i have a crush on rob too

nomadmatan (10:16:23 PM): lol, so I see ^_~

“Rob!” (10:16:28 PM): i actually used you as an example in class

nomadmatan (10:16:34 PM): hahaha really?

“Rob!” (10:17:02 PM): yea we were talking about how men feel about gay men so i was like “my boyfriend likes it when gay men like him, he takes it as totally flattery”

nomadmatan (10:17:10 PM): haha awesome

“Rob!” (10:17:14 PM): because he told me once that u were eyeing him down so he lifted his eyebrows at you!

“Rob!” (10:17:15 PM): hahaha

nomadmatan (10:17:27 PM): haha, dude, I’d ride rob, in a heart beat

“Rob!” (10:17:32 PM): oh man

nomadmatan (10:17:35 PM): lol

nomadmatan (10:17:40 PM): he’s a good guy

“Rob!” (10:17:42 PM): well be jealous of me then

“Rob!” (10:17:44 PM): jk

nomadmatan (10:17:46 PM): lol

nomadmatan (10:18:24 PM): I’m sorry! I’m really not the most observant person

“Rob!” (10:18:29 PM): its ok

“Rob!” (10:18:31 PM): its fine

nomadmatan (10:18:33 PM): I’ve been told people were hitting on me…and I never noticed

nomadmatan (10:18:33 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:18:45 PM): well start paying attention

nomadmatan (10:18:47 PM): and I normally walk around with headphones on

nomadmatan (10:18:47 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:18:51 PM): so do i

nomadmatan (10:18:51 PM): next time, just slap me in the arm

“Rob!” (10:18:55 PM): i still know how to look people down

nomadmatan (10:18:59 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:19:05 PM): even with my head phones on i can grill a bitch

nomadmatan (10:19:08 PM): LOL

“Rob!” (10:19:12 PM): me and liz will say hi next thursday

nomadmatan (10:19:18 PM): awesome =)

“Rob!” (10:19:25 PM): we like get upset

“Rob!” (10:19:35 PM): im always like “did you see Matthew L schwartz”

“Rob!” (10:19:36 PM): hahaha

“Rob!” (10:19:38 PM): emphasis on the L

nomadmatan (10:19:39 PM): LOL

nomadmatan (10:19:42 PM): Now I feel really bad

“Rob!” (10:19:45 PM): like “eellll”

“Rob!” (10:19:47 PM): its cool

“Rob!” (10:19:49 PM): its just funny

“Rob!” (10:19:57 PM): it gives us something to do in our very boring class

nomadmatan (10:20:11 PM): lol, well I’m glad I can be of help – say hi next thursday! I need to head to N.Campus to get some stuff done

nomadmatan (10:20:19 PM): Ciao Bella, and do send Rob my regards

“Rob!” (10:20:22 PM): of course

“Rob!” (10:20:24 PM): take care

*face palms*

moocowinthecity 2006-10-27 No Comments

Subject: *face palms*

Date: Friday 10/27/06 10:20:00 PM

nomadmatan (10:12:37 PM): hey hey sexu

nomadmatan (10:12:40 PM): *sexy

nomadmatan (10:12:40 PM): lol

nomadmatan (10:12:43 PM): well I fucked that one up

“Rob!” (10:12:43 PM): hi

“Rob!” (10:12:47 PM): its not rob

nomadmatan (10:12:50 PM): ah

nomadmatan (10:12:57 PM): lol, well you still have the potential to be sexy

nomadmatan (10:13:01 PM): so howdy stranger

“Rob!” (10:13:01 PM): haha i do

“Rob!” (10:13:11 PM): its caryn, his girlfriend, i could get him if you want

nomadmatan (10:13:15 PM): haha no it’s all god

nomadmatan (10:13:17 PM): *good

nomadmatan (10:13:20 PM): just tell him gay matt was hitting on him

nomadmatan (10:13:21 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:13:30 PM): matt schwartz?

nomadmatan (10:13:33 PM): indeed

nomadmatan (10:13:34 PM): the one and only

“Rob!” (10:13:36 PM): i know you

nomadmatan (10:13:44 PM): lol sweet deal =)

nomadmatan (10:13:50 PM): I’m really bad with names =(

nomadmatan (10:13:53 PM): I’m only good with faces

“Rob!” (10:14:07 PM): no youre not

“Rob!” (10:14:09 PM): i always see you!

“Rob!” (10:14:11 PM): u never say hi!

nomadmatan (10:14:21 PM): awe, lol I’m sorry!

nomadmatan (10:14:30 PM): I walk around in a daze alot though

nomadmatan (10:14:31 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:14:49 PM): my best friend once drove you home from the airport

nomadmatan (10:14:57 PM): dude!

nomadmatan (10:15:01 PM): she was supposed to face book me

nomadmatan (10:15:02 PM): and never did

“Rob!” (10:15:05 PM): lol

nomadmatan (10:15:07 PM): and I couldn’t find her on face book

“Rob!” (10:15:10 PM): me and her see you every thursday

nomadmatan (10:15:13 PM): ’cause we were gunna create a group

nomadmatan (10:15:20 PM): really?

“Rob!” (10:15:24 PM): yeup

“Rob!” (10:15:27 PM): you have class in clemens

nomadmatan (10:15:27 PM): god, I really need to start paying more attention to my surroundings

“Rob!” (10:15:31 PM): yea

nomadmatan (10:15:32 PM): lol indeed I do

nomadmatan (10:15:36 PM): next time smack me and say hi!

“Rob!” (10:15:36 PM): we were offended

nomadmatan (10:15:58 PM): I apollogize! I’m just normally in a daze…even rob (who I’ve had a crush on) normally needs to alert me to his presence.

“Rob!” (10:16:13 PM): and like gay men love me so ultimatley i was surprised you werent imideatley drawn to me

“Rob!” (10:16:14 PM): hahaha

“Rob!” (10:16:18 PM): i have a crush on rob too

nomadmatan (10:16:23 PM): lol, so I see ^_~

“Rob!” (10:16:28 PM): i actually used you as an example in class

nomadmatan (10:16:34 PM): hahaha really?

“Rob!” (10:17:02 PM): yea we were talking about how men feel about gay men so i was like “my boyfriend likes it when gay men like him, he takes it as totally flattery”

nomadmatan (10:17:10 PM): haha awesome

“Rob!” (10:17:14 PM): because he told me once that u were eyeing him down so he lifted his eyebrows at you!

“Rob!” (10:17:15 PM): hahaha

nomadmatan (10:17:27 PM): haha, dude, I’d ride rob, in a heart beat

“Rob!” (10:17:32 PM): oh man

nomadmatan (10:17:35 PM): lol

nomadmatan (10:17:40 PM): he’s a good guy

“Rob!” (10:17:42 PM): well be jealous of me then

“Rob!” (10:17:44 PM): jk

nomadmatan (10:17:46 PM): lol

nomadmatan (10:18:24 PM): I’m sorry! I’m really not the most observant person

“Rob!” (10:18:29 PM): its ok

“Rob!” (10:18:31 PM): its fine

nomadmatan (10:18:33 PM): I’ve been told people were hitting on me…and I never noticed

nomadmatan (10:18:33 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:18:45 PM): well start paying attention

nomadmatan (10:18:47 PM): and I normally walk around with headphones on

nomadmatan (10:18:47 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:18:51 PM): so do i

nomadmatan (10:18:51 PM): next time, just slap me in the arm

“Rob!” (10:18:55 PM): i still know how to look people down

nomadmatan (10:18:59 PM): lol

“Rob!” (10:19:05 PM): even with my head phones on i can grill a bitch

nomadmatan (10:19:08 PM): LOL

“Rob!” (10:19:12 PM): me and liz will say hi next thursday

nomadmatan (10:19:18 PM): awesome =)

“Rob!” (10:19:25 PM): we like get upset

“Rob!” (10:19:35 PM): im always like “did you see Matthew L schwartz”

“Rob!” (10:19:36 PM): hahaha

“Rob!” (10:19:38 PM): emphasis on the L

nomadmatan (10:19:39 PM): LOL

nomadmatan (10:19:42 PM): Now I feel really bad

“Rob!” (10:19:45 PM): like “eellll”

“Rob!” (10:19:47 PM): its cool

“Rob!” (10:19:49 PM): its just funny

“Rob!” (10:19:57 PM): it gives us something to do in our very boring class

nomadmatan (10:20:11 PM): lol, well I’m glad I can be of help – say hi next thursday! I need to head to N.Campus to get some stuff done

nomadmatan (10:20:19 PM): Ciao Bella, and do send Rob my regards

“Rob!” (10:20:22 PM): of course

“Rob!” (10:20:24 PM): take care

Friday Five & Baby Animals

moocowinthecity 2006-10-27 No Comments

Subject: Friday Five & Baby Animals

Date: Friday 10/27/06 4:52:00 PM

The friday five, from thefridayfive

1) What was the last thing that you ate?

Half a Cookie from Starbucks.

2) Who was the last person you shared a meal with?

Ohh, good question…I think Sarah and her girlfriend.

3) What is your favorite all time dish (recipes welcome)?

Margie Meal from Amy’s Place in Buffalo, NY

4) If you could eat one thing for an entire year, what would it be?

Buffalo Wings with a Coke.

5) If you could have dinner with any five people (dead or alive) who would they be?

Marquis de Sade, Iwan (it was a given…I can now tell him more than the door is big, and that’s a piece of paper), The Spice Girls, The Choreographer for the Backstreet Boys, Rabbi Harvey (I need to do this when I’m down in December, I have some questions to ask him).

In other news, I’m still on a baby animal kick…so I’ve been changing the desktops of the computers at the places where I work to baby animals. I don’t know why anyone else doesn’t think baby wombats are cute…I think they’re adorable. Right now it’s a fuzzy baby wombat on the computer with the printer (not like my background where the wombat doesn’t have fur) and a baby sea cow on the other one. My desktop at home is actually George Eads at the moment.

In other news, somehow my wallet’s gone missing (I’m not sure how)…so I’ve had to cancel all my cards and such; I’m hoping it turns up if for no other reason than it had my high school ID where I was 133lbs heavier than I am at the moment, my license (my passport’s in my datebook so I have my ID), my UB ID Card, as well as my credential cards which are going to be a pain to replace. It must have slipped out of my pocket (I’d really prefer to think that, than that it was stolen) and hopefully a good samaritan will turn it in. If not, and it is gone, not much you can do about it, so no reason to fret over things you can’t undo or change.

Anyways, time to get ready to rest.

Peace all.

– M

Friday Five & Baby Animals

moocowinthecity 2006-10-27 No Comments

Subject: Friday Five & Baby Animals

Date: Friday 10/27/06 4:52:00 PM

The friday five, from thefridayfive

1) What was the last thing that you ate?

Half a Cookie from Starbucks.

2) Who was the last person you shared a meal with?

Ohh, good question…I think Sarah and her girlfriend.

3) What is your favorite all time dish (recipes welcome)?

Margie Meal from Amy’s Place in Buffalo, NY

4) If you could eat one thing for an entire year, what would it be?

Buffalo Wings with a Coke.

5) If you could have dinner with any five people (dead or alive) who would they be?

Marquis de Sade, Iwan (it was a given…I can now tell him more than the door is big, and that’s a piece of paper), The Spice Girls, The Choreographer for the Backstreet Boys, Rabbi Harvey (I need to do this when I’m down in December, I have some questions to ask him).

In other news, I’m still on a baby animal kick…so I’ve been changing the desktops of the computers at the places where I work to baby animals. I don’t know why anyone else doesn’t think baby wombats are cute…I think they’re adorable. Right now it’s a fuzzy baby wombat on the computer with the printer (not like my background where the wombat doesn’t have fur) and a baby sea cow on the other one. My desktop at home is actually George Eads at the moment.

In other news, somehow my wallet’s gone missing (I’m not sure how)…so I’ve had to cancel all my cards and such; I’m hoping it turns up if for no other reason than it had my high school ID where I was 133lbs heavier than I am at the moment, my license (my passport’s in my datebook so I have my ID), my UB ID Card, as well as my credential cards which are going to be a pain to replace. It must have slipped out of my pocket (I’d really prefer to think that, than that it was stolen) and hopefully a good samaritan will turn it in. If not, and it is gone, not much you can do about it, so no reason to fret over things you can’t undo or change.

Anyways, time to get ready to rest.

Peace all.

– M